Lesser Holidays Demand Islands To Call Their Own

NADI, FIJI -- Easter and Christmas have had their own islands for years, and now other holidays are demanding a piece of the action. For far too long, other holidays and observances have gone without the respect and recognition they deserve.

This unnamed island could very well some day become Boxing Day Island.

350 holiday delegates crowded into the Sheraton Royal Denarau Resort at the annual International Holiday Conference and Trade Show. The theme this year was "Islands For Everyone!"

Sessions were loud and speakers were frequently interrupted by applause during calls for an end to the hegemony of the major holidays.

"We have to fight against the globalization of all holidays into just two or three big ones," said Secretary's Day, a holiday in April and one speaker at the Conference. "Not only are there holidays just about every week, but often many holidays overlap each other. When that happens it is almost always the American or European holiday that gets the most attention. It's a form of colonialism."

"It's not fair," shouted Memorial Day. "I deserve an island. I want Greenland!"

During the trade show certain extremist groups had booths to sell off their islands. One of them was the Apocalyptic Return of the Aryan Jihaad. "We got our island in the Caribbean in 1987 as a base to develop and nurture our revolution and eventual return to the mainland," said the spokesman, who did not wish to be identified. "But after the return of the messiah was delayed for another 30 years we thought we should sell and release the funds for our prophet's fleet of Mercedes."

Despite a lot of interest they had few takers.

"I'm hoping for something a bit more substantial," admitted Victoria Day, a Canadian holiday. "And I think the government should buy it for me."

Privately, others were thinking farther afield. Certain delegates hinted that a partition of Africa was in the works, "with the approval of the European nations, under the direction of Herr Bismarck," said one delegate.

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