| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
 Advice from Helena Aunde-Bague
People always come to me and say "Helena, your face is so soft,"
and "Helena, how do you stay so youthful?"
Mostly I tell them
to fuck off, but for my close friends I share my secret olive loaf facial.
It is mostly a lie, as I am naturally smooth with my skin. But they need
their hopes.
I don't really need
to mask my face, as I am only 29, but sometimes I will say you should
try and put some artichoke paste on your face to make it stay smooth also.
This may not help, but at least it will keep your husband out of your
face for a while for you to enjoy some private time to yourself.
Still other times,
I let the men caress my arm and tell me how beautiful I am, but only after
they have picked up the cheque. You see, beauty and health are things
that old people should be worried for. Since I am still so young, I put
on these foods only because the magazines say it is chic. I would not
want to be using last year's almoond and honey facial, and have my friends
laugh for being so out of style.
So for my
advice, if you are old, then put this mush on your wrinkly face, and see
what happens. I cannot help you from aging. You had your chance to win
your trophy man when you were twenty.
Helena's Archive
|
