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TUESDAY, JUNE 26TH, 2001 | LAST WEEK
Issue 10 | Volume 4
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Teens
On Motorized Scooters Have Seniors In Motorized Carts Fuming
Son
Sneaks Away For Slurpee While Mother Continues TalkingWESTON, FL-- Seniors from the Weston Community Centre are bristling. It seems hundreds of youths pass by the centre every day to attend nearby Weston High School. But many of these students are "whizzing by" on new motorized scooters. "I was damn near run off the sidewalk the other day by one of them (scooters)," said Herb Mansell, 78. "I almost flipped my motorized cart!" Irene Laughlin reported a similar incident last week while shopping at the corner market. "I was driving my cart back to my apartment, when three kids came straight at me on their scooters," said Irene, 81. "Where was I supposed to drive my moto-cart...on the road?" Herb, Irene, and several others from the centre are pressuring local government to introduce a by-law restricting the use of motorized scooters on sidewalks, hoping to make them safe again for motorized cart owners. Herb is hoping the by-law will also include those "dangerous pedestrians".
RANCHO CORDOVA, CA-- Adam Butler, a 22-year-old student attending Sacramento City College, "snuck away" for 17 minutes during a long-distance call from his mom last Sunday. The bold move occurred while his mother, Tina Butler, 47, of Sioux City Iowa, recounted the details of his aunt's ankle operation. Adam used the time to drive to a local 7-Eleven convenience store where he fetched himself a "Sour Watermelon" Slurpee. He returned in time to catch the tail end of the "raccoons around the family trash cans" story, and was able to offer a well-timed "uh huh" to affirm his mother's retelling. The conversation continued for another "agonizing" hour while she talked about "grandma's snoring habits."
The Toque is published every Tuesday. The Toque is NOT associated or affiliated with any other publication or vegetable. All of our stories are original and written by our own staff. |
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Drive-In Sign Gets Employee Fired
DAYTON, OH-- Mitch Parrish was fired from his job as assistant manager of the Rocket Drive-In Theatre last week in Dayton after "exercising poor judgement". Mitch, 17, stated that he had "no idea" that the movies he posted on the Drive In's marquee were going to cause such controversy.
"I don't know what to say," said Mitch. "I figured it was okay to show that Paul Hogan movie, since I thought his first two were okay."
VANCOUVER, BC-- Willie Briggs was obviously not up to the challenge. While taking the Pepsi Challenge at a recent concert promotion, the 18-year-old attendee was spurned after choosing Coca Cola. "We were disappointed with Willie," said booth operator Kelly Winston, 20. "Had he chosen Pepsi in this impartial marketing study, we would have showered him with accolades." Willie's friend Dennis was able to offer support, telling Willie that it wasn't important what you drank, only what you wore.
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Seagull Has Had Enough Of Other Birds' Shit |
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SHIRLEY
EUGESTE
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GROUCHY
JOE
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CECIL
SECHELLES
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