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TUESDAY, JULY 3RD, 2001 | LAST WEEK

Issue 11 | Volume 4

Blown Kiss Intercepted By Boyfriend's Goofy Pal

SEATTLE, WA-- Adam Nguyen was supposed to catch the kiss blown from girlfriend Alice Lee's hand last Sunday. But that kiss was intercepted by Adam's buddy, Chris Leung, 23, at the last possible moment.

Alice, a 22-year-old Western Washington University student, was bidding her boyfriend of eleven months "good-bye" for the evening, when Chris reached out at the last second and snatched her imaginary love gesture from out of the air.

"That kiss was meant for Adam!" said a very irate Alice. "That jerk Chris had no business grabbing it!" Adam, 23, hopes to make it up to his sweetheart next week by mouthing sweet words to her from across a crowded room.

Comedian "Bombs" At Aviation Security Convention

CHICAGO-- Comedian Larry Stempel has vowed to "never" do another convention. His recent booking, a warm-up act for the keynote speaker at the Annual Aviation Security Convention in Chicago, literally "bombed."

"Oh man," said Larry. "It was worse than that customs incident when I returned from Amsterdam." Larry's 15-minute performance included his popular joke about airport disaster movies that are never shown on flights, and his trademark "Careful, I have a valuable balm in my suitcase" routine. Larry will be performing later this month at the Shriner's Conclave in Baton Rouge, LA.

The Toque is published every Tuesday.

The Toque is NOT associated or affiliated with any other publication or vegetable. All of our stories are original and written by our own staff.

Sopranos Stars Deny Threatening Other Shows

HOLLYWOOD-- Stars of the Emmy-winning series The Sopranos are denying the latest rumours--that they have been bullying "rival" television shows. It has been rumoured that The Sopranos has been pressuring other shows into giving them "a piece of the action" to assure their own shows' "well-being."

James Gandolfini (2nd from left) with other stars of the HBO seriesThe Sopranos.

In a recent interview with the London Telegraph, actor James Gandolfini, dismissed allegations that fellow cast members had been seen pushing actor Kelsey Grammer on the set of Frasier. He also refuted a claim that Dominic "Uncle Junior" Chianese had threatened "X-Files" executive producer Chris Carter, saying he would "get the truth out of that alien-loving *&%$ with a Louisville Slugger."

No one is sure where the rumours began, but Gandolfini is tired of the accusations of violence. "That really breaks my *&$% balls," said Gandolfini. "If those sons of *!@# try to mess with The Sopranos they're gonna end up whacked, or worse."