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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
BUCHAREST-- Romanian farmers are enjoying new supplies of fresh water, uncovered by ancient methods rediscovered by new entrepreneurs. Tapping into a rich peasant folklore, students at the Agricultural Institute in Focsani have strapped divining rods onto a herd of cattle.
For a fee their herd will trample over a farmer's fields and, by making signs, point to hidden sources of water. Critics scoff at the plan, but poorly educated peasants, desperate for water not contaminated by pollution and fertilizer run-off are eagerly lining up to pay up to two tanks of gas and a fat hen for the chance of a fresh start. "My neighbour polluted all my water when he put in a new septic tank," said Mazonn Roumenscia, "but these city slickers and their magical cows found a spring hidden under a stack of hay. Now I almost feel bad that I poisoned that nemernic. Not only did they find a new source of water, they let me keep the dung. Now I have clean, fresh water, and enough fuel to last until November." Gheorghe Ceasceasculop and Dmitri Romouscensc, were studying advanced industrialization of post-collective farming co-ops when they stumbled across a farmer's manual from 1904. Among amusing anecdotes and remedies for warts and vampires, they found a diagram of a cow with a dowsing rod strapped to its neck. Recognizing an opportunity when they saw one they immediately quit school, sold their Soviet-era motorcycles and acquired three cows from Dmitri's uncle. "At first it was hard work," said Gheorghe, "we had to bribe many officials for the right business licences. But as soon as the cows started producing results everything took off." They now have 15 cows and a truck to carry them. When not searching for springs and areas to dig the cows are kept in Dmitri's apartment. "It's a bit tight for space," admits Dmitri. "But with the good profits we're making I'll soon be able to buy a ducha in the country. With a Rolls Royce." A dowsing session usually starts with both Gheorghe and Dmitri haggling with the farmer over price. Gheorghe then does a 'pre-cow walking check' with a hygrometer. "It's to look for places where the cows might trip. These are valuable animals," Ivan explains. The cows are then driven in and the local priest is asked to bless the herd of cattle with a sprinkle of holy water. Dmitri then sets them loose with a smart swack on the flank. As the cows wander over the fields Gheorghe and Dmitri will interpret each animal's actions to the farmer. Eventually one will give a portentious sign and the order is given to dig there. The cows are rounded up, the fee paid, and they go home. It is up to the farmer to dig the well. Gheorghe and Dmitri
hope to expand their business. "We were thinking of setting up a
franchise, and selling the idea to interested people in Bulgaria, Macedonia,
and even the United States," said Gheorghe. "But only for the
right price."
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