| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
 Advice from Helena Aunde-Bague
I tell you ladies, nothing relaxes more than a mocha on the patio. But,
I do not want to talk to the little boys while I drink my coffee. It is
better for them to chat with the barrista girls who are paid to be putting
up with that.
If I turn my head
away from you, I think you must know I want to be only by myself. Maybe
when I blew the smoke in your little boy face, you would have the picture?
I do not mean to insult, but you must learn how to approach a most sophistaced
lady as myself.
You do not even have
a proper cigarette lighter!
But, since you are
so young, and not even enough of a man to clean my pool yet, I should
not blame you. But neither should I have to acknowledge you. Buying me
the pretty flower was a very young and sweet thing, but forgive me if
I don't keep it living in my vase--I already have my foyer filled to the
ceiling with stems of the long roses.
When you
are older you will see. You will think to buy me the whole cafe, and not
just the coffee next time. Your vagabond gesture is only for a love that
the poor women can see from you. When you are stable with your money,
the ladies will then know what your heart is on the inside, as you will
be able to afford to charm them from your pocketbook.
Helena's Archive
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