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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR GOLF HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
ROME, ITALY-- Worried about falling tourism, and a poor reputation as "that old city", the Roman government has created a Ministry of Monument Rehabilitation to improve and upgrade some of the city's ancient buildings and statues.
The first project is the new Holy Roman Mini-golf and Arcade Centre, reviving a Temple for Venus, the goddess of love and beauty, built during the Roman Empire. Used as a nunnery during the Middle Ages and as a warehouse for soccer boots in the 20th Century, the building is finding new life in the 21st Century as a mini putting green with electronic arcade games inside. "We initially got the idea from what the Greeks were doing on the Acropolis," said Alphonso Del Atrium, course design consultant. "We especially liked their 'Par-thenon' and Delphi water trap." The course is scheduled for completion in late August, just in time to catch the last busloads of golf-deprived American tourists. It has a full 18-hole course built to challenge the best mini-golfer, set amidst fountains, classical Renaissance gardens and antique and neo-antique statues. Holy Roman Mini-golf was designed to duplicate the bends and breaks found on real golf courses, but with the welcome addition of fierce lions, peeing putti, and the occassional Centurian Guard. Snack, pop and wine machines along with indoor washrooms are on-site in the Temple itself, redesigned and filled with the latest in electronic arcade games. Adults and children, both tourists and locals, are anticipating this new addition to Rome. "The warehouse district was getting a little unpleasant to stroll through," said Mama Gina, mother of three. "Now with an arcade to attract those teen-aged hooligans the streets will be a lot cleaner. I don't know why they're filling that golf course with all that old garbage though. They'd be better off decorating it with new stuff from Ikea." Future plans
include turning Vatican City, an independent country entirely surrounded
by Rome, into a dinosaur theme park.
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