| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
 Advice from Helena Aunde-Bague
I always have my shoulder for you to cry on. It is a pretty shoulder,
and I keep it very soft from moisturizing. You know the sun will just
make you crack and you will not be as smooth.
I tell you this because
I know you have many things you wish to share with me. Yes, perhaps sometimes
I have not always listened to every word; you do like to talk alot about
your problems, and I can only be human if I have to stifle my yawns when
you endlessly bitch about your frumpy man.
But inside I am always
caring for you. Was it not I who saved you from buying that gaudy broach?
Was I not the first to warn you when you planned to serve a merlot with
sautéed oysters? Chablis I remembered to say to you.
So I have been a good
friend to you. Forget about that time in Greece when Victor took me on
his yacht to Capri. You said to me you thought he was "too good for
his shoes".
So please
remember I am always your friend. And while I still will not lend you
my silver garlic press for your little party, I will always have that
soft shoulder for you to rest on.
Helena's Archive
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