CANADA'S SOURCE FOR LAWN DARTS HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE

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Lawn Darts May Be Illegal, But The Game Still Sticks

MARK'S BACKYARD-- Americans, tired of living in a nanny state, are demonstrating their unwillingness to conform to national safety standards by engaging in dangerous recreational activities, some of which are banned in many states.

Mark Bailey and Justin Whyzinski play an illegal game of lawn darts at an undisclosed secret location in Mark's backyard.

The most popular of these activities is lawn darts, a menacing suburban yard sport that was made illegal several years ago because of the "dangerous risks" players took with the equipment. Pointed lawn darts had been responsible for the deaths of several very stupid people.

"In 1988 the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) banned lawn darts," said CPSC Chairman Ann Brown. "That people would now blatantly disregard that ban is outrageous, and an insult to our authority."

Mark Bailey thinks the government should "let its hair down" on this issue, and let responsible people have their fun.

"I'm allowed to own a gun, but I'm not allowed to play with lawn darts," said Mark sarcastically. "Just because some idiot once tried to catch a lawn dart in his teeth, it's been spoiled for the rest of us."

Mark and his buddy Justin have been defiantly playing the metal-spiked sport for months, and on several occasions have invited friends over to their "secret location" to play in the backyard. "We're thinking of starting our own league," added Mark.

The FBI is interested in any information about illegal lawn darts clubs. Said FBI spokesperson Allan Rice: "We are certainly concerned when American citizens openly disregard toy bans. For the safety of Americans, we would, if needed, use force to suppress these dangerous activities."

Mark thinks that America is just getting soft and "mamby-pamby".

"When I was nine, I drank the fluid out of a Magic 8-Ball," said Mark. "Where was the CPSC for me then? Huh?"

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