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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
MONTREAL-- Anthony Plaid does not invite much comment as he sets up his presentation in the boardroom of a major pharmaceutical company. The managers and directors offer short hellos and continue their private conversations. Quiet and efficient, and dressed in white shirt with a dark red tie, Anthony allows them to continue. When he starts his presentation by introducing himself as TXH1183, however, the executives sit up and take notice. Anthony Plaid, or TXH1183 as he prefers, provides businesses with an entirely new approach to employee management and business identity. Using Kabelarian philosophy as a jumping off point, he has developed a system of renaming employees with letter/number combinations that enhance their strengths and minimize their weaknesses. A rigorous and scientific mathematical formula is applied to an employee's current name and occupation. For those who know the code the result gives an in-depth understanding of the employee's worth to the company as well as detailing their position, department and where they stand on the pay scale. Accounting and IT departments also benefit from the standardized naming convention. For companies that have introduced the new system the results have been positive. PNK812 is the Human Resources director at a button manufacturing plant. Affectionately known as "Ms. Pink" by her employees, she is a firm believer. "You would not believe how difficult it is to assess people's skills based on an interview or two," she said. "Even after working for several months it's hard to get an objective evaluation of performance." "Now, by just looking at these new employee names I know immediately their faults, their strengths, and whether they deserve a raise this year. It's amazing!" The name is a window to the mental orientation and overall destiny of the person. One of the other benefits is removing the embarrassment of mispronouncing people's names. "There are a lot of immigrants here from non-English speaking countries -- many of which don't seem to have vowels," said PNK812. "When
everyone is reduced to a common factor of a six-letter and number combination,
everyday communication is so much easier."
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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by Burt Umbre
