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This Story Doesn't Hold Water

SOUTH BEND, IN-- When Phil Mortensen organized the local Lion's Club summer family picnic he knew there would be surprises. But he didn't expect to find what he did inside an ordinary four-gallon bucket.

"I've organized picnics in the past and something always goes wrong," said Mr. Mortensen. "Either the caterers don't show up, the weather is lousy, some kid eats too much ice-cream and throws up on the prize table, or whatever. I knew there'd be something. But this bucket was something else."

Laurie Fletcher, Louise DeGraff, and Phil Mortensen are intrigued by the bizarre contents of this bucket.

Mr. Mortensen discovered the bucket as he was setting up the sack race at the the South end of Cates Park.

"It was just a white plastic bucket. It looked fairly clean and the handle was still attached, so I knew it must be fairly new," he said. "There weren't any leaves or grass clippings on it. Maybe it was dropped there the night before, maybe even that same morning. I couldn't tell. In fact, at first I thought Mrs. Hutchinson from the Social Committee had left it there. But then I looked inside and realized that was definitely not the case."

"Man, if you saw the look on my face," said Mr. Mortensen shaking his head. "I knew I couldn't leave it there."

Mr. Mortensen left the sack race set-up area and showed the bucket to Louise DeGraff from the Finance Committee.

"Phil is such a sweet guy, really he is," said Mrs. DeGraff, "but he does need a little hand-holding, if you know what I mean. So when I saw him coming with this bucket my first instinct was to walk quickly away, as if I didn't see him, but then he saw that I saw him and it was too late. Then he told me he had found something in this bucket over at the South end and wanted to show me. So I looked and I'm glad he brought it over. I mean there are children around there, you know what I mean? I knew we had to do something."

"You know what kids are like," continued Mrs. DeGraff, "they'll play with anything. So I took that bucket from Phil and told him not to worry, I would take care of it."

Mrs. DeGraff took the bucket and decided to hide it until after the picnic was over.

"You know, we had just started setting up and everyone was very busy. I didn't want this thing to get out of control. There would be plenty of time later, if you know what I mean. But then I ran into Peggy Aldridge and I had to show her. Of course she was shocked. I knew she would be, she's a little too sensitive if you ask me. She wanted to call the police of all things, but I told her we couldn't do that. The picnic was about to start and we didn't need that kind of commotion. And then I told her it was Phil who 'found' the bucket. Peggy got all pale and said 'no!' and I said 'yes.' and then she went quiet and had to sit down. Now I found that a little peculiar, if you know what I mean."

Mrs. DeGraff covered the bucket and put it in the back of her minivan, where it stayed until her husband Brent pulled it out along with the lawn darts.

"I was just trying to help," said Mr. DeGraff. "I thought it might be those round-ended lawn darts, you know, the kind that can't take out an eye. But then I pulled the top off the bucket and saw what was inside. Wow. I guess I must have looked like a slack-jaw because Harvey comes up to see what's going on and soon I've got this crowd around me."

"I didn't know what to do," said Mr. DeGraff. "I didn't want people thinking it was my bucket, and I didn't want people thinking it was Louise's either. Finally Harvey says to me something like 'I think maybe we should just dump that in the river real quick' and I agreed. So we all walked down to the river, I think there must have been over half the people at the picnic with us, a real parade, and we dumped it in the river."

"I cleaned out the bucket and kept it though," continued Mr. DeGraff, "it was fairly new and still had the handle."

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