CANADA'S SOURCE FOR POLITICAL FREMEN HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE

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What Is The Government Dune About This?

VICTORIA, BC-- The British Columbia Treaty Commission has been sandbagging over the latest aboriginal sand claims being pursued by the Fremen. Spice-miners are tired of the delays and are seeking direct action against the government.

Fremen leaders meet outside of the parliament buildings in Victoria, British Columbia's seat of government.

The desert people are looking to settle sand claims, and are seeking a relationship that calls for recognition and respect of all Fremen people living within the boundaries of British Columbia.

The provincial government has been stalling, despite recognizing that spice is as valuable a resource as fishing, mining, foresty, and tourism.

After more than 100 years of storing water, taming worms, and collecting spice off of small sand reservations in the northern parts of the province, Fremen are now seeking a solution from the B.C. government.

In 1999, a B.C. Fremen Claims Task Force was established to determine accountabilities, and the current Liberal government is considering a referendum to let the people of B.C. decide what's fair for everyone.

But not all British Columbians are in favour of the process.

"Fremen are allowed to harvest spice and export it without worrying about paying taxes," said B.C. resident Harvey Yarrow. "But if I want to go into the spice business, I need permits, licensing, zoning, and subsidies. It's not fair."

Fremen leaders are getting impatient, and have threatened to blockade trade routes in certain parts of the province.

"We are just looking for a sand solution that benefits all Fremen people, as well as the rest of the population of British Columbia," said Lugar, clan chief and sietch leader. "We don't want to have to resort to using violence with our Weirding modules. It would be a real shame too if we starting hiding all of the fresh water in the province."

British Columbia's premier, Gordon Campbell, hopes it doesn't come to that.

"The Fremen are a huge part of our new economy. This isn't going to be another fixed sand-and-spice package," said Premier Campbell. "We will continue to negotiate the treaty process and evaluate land tenure and resource management. It is our hope that the Fremen will choose not to call upon giant worms using thumpers, and use them to annihilate our citizens."

Fremen leaders are in Victoria this week to press their claims, established by the Herbert Accord in 1965.

"The Fremen are getting frustrated with this governement. We would almost rather deal with the Harkonnen," said Lugar. "Then at least we would know we were being deceived."

Last month, however, several Fremen were arrested for bringing atomics across the border from Washington, making some of the negotations more difficult.

"I have no comment on that matter," added Lugar.

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