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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR STEPHEN HAWKING HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO-- The universe is an unsolved problem, but for distinguished physicist and cosmologist Stephen Hawking, the expanse of a Mexican paradise asks as many questions.
The esteemed Cambridge professor took a break from his lecture tour to spend a week relaxing in the tourist haven of Puerto Vallarta. He hopes that the respite will help stimulate his senses. However, Hawking is finding that the Mexican tourist industry holds its own mysteries. "I can calculate the sums of galaxies, but damned if I can figure out how to negotiate a fair price for a hand-woven blanket," said the mechanical voice from Professor Hawking's synthesized voicebox. "I might call my recent misadventure: 'A Brief History In Haggling'." While maintaining that his vacation is intended to be a departure from deciphering the cosmos, Hawking hasn't completely removed himself from his universal pondering. One evening he was in a local taberna--with his companion Elaine--doing several "tequila poppers", a popular alcoholic concoction. After approximately six or seven of the "big bang" shooters, Hawking was seen arguing with an American tourist about the differences between Tequila worms and wormholes. And Hawking's celebrity status has not been lost on the local inhabitants. "That Hawking's way out there," said José Estacio, manager of the hotel Hawking has been staying at. "He's got a wheel in the sand. No, really. I had to pull his wheelchair out of the sand." Professor Hawking was even seen paragliding one afternoon. At first he said it was going to take an "initial singularity" to get him into the air, but after some coaxing from Elaine and some vacationing fans, he relented. "The truth be told, I'm more comfortable with the theory of quantum gravity, than the earth's gravity," said Hawking of his paragliding adventure. "Perhaps bodysurfing will open my mind to new ideas." The professor
continues his adventure this week, as he plans to wrestle with the principles
of marlin fishing.
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