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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR GNOME HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
WHISTLER, BC-- Ski season has returned to British Columbia, and once again mountain gnomes are being pushed out of their homes to make way for the onslaught of skiers, snowboarders, and other enthusiasts on the local mountains.
Little is known about the mountain gnomes, magical creatures who live in isolation along the snow-crested tops of the Garibaldi mountain range. Several attempts have been made to capture and study the gnomes, but they are magical creatures, and always disappear when you look straight at them. "I saw one once," said Brent Chaswick, a ski instructor on Blackcomb Mtn. "The little critter was wearing a coat woven from pine boughs, and he had on these cute little showshoes that looked like squash racquets." While the gnomes are mostly harmless, and generally avoid human contact, it is encouraged that young people ski in groups, and not alone. "We wouldn't want those critters snatching up our young 'uns," said Sirus Bellacose, a local tracker. "I think they mostly eat huckleberries and tubers, but you never know what they'd do with a plump little boy." "I even seen one once myself," recalled Sirus. "It had on this shiny ring, and was hanging around with a wizard and some elves. No wait, that was something else entirely." In truth, the gnomes are seldom seen, choosing to abandon their homes at the first sign of human intrusion. They flee deeper into the mountains, where harsher conditions deter men from following. Tourists enjoy exploring the mountainside looking for signs of the gnomes. Their mushroom-shaped hovels dot the mountainside, and inside, their homes appear quaint, yet spacious. But every year, Whistler ski resorts have to deal with many of the abandoned hovels that interfere with the skiing operations. "If we don't remove those gnome huts before the first big snowfall, we end up with all these bumps along some of our ski-runs," said Kyle Winthrop, manager of landscape engineering for Whistler Mountain. "We call them 'moguls'. But they're actually just the crowns of their little gnome roofs that have been buried under the snow." The gnomes will return when the ski season is over, restoring their community to its pre-invaded splendour. Skiers who
do come across any gnomes or gnome dwellings this season are asked to
be cautious, and the forestry ministry suggests that you avoid prodding
them with ski-poles, should you come into contact with one.
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| This fictional story about gnomes is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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