The Toque
Slimed
INFORMATION:
editor@thetoque.com
EDITOR:
editor@thetoque.com
ADVERTISING:
editor@thetoque.com
COMPLAINTS:
feedback@aol.com

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 23RD, 2001 | LAST WEEK

Issue 27 | Volume 4
 

Ernie Speaks Out On Bert-Bin Laden Issue

NEW YORK-- Ernie the muppet is shocked, but not completely surprised by the recent attention his former Sesame Street companion has been garnering in the news these past two weeks. While Ernie believes that Bert is still good on the inside, he blames himself for not spotting the warning signs years ago.

Ernie with dignataries"Bert has been always been a Negative Nellie," said Ernie, Bert's former roommate, before a special U.N. council, which included Italian Prime Minister Massimo D'Alema, and British P.M. Tony Blair. "But, really, he's just been hanging around with the wrong sort of people."

Ernie recognized early on that Bert had been counterproductive. During their initial season on Sesame Street, Ernie says that Bert deliberately chose a vertically-striped sweater, after Jim Henson had already approved matching horizontally-striped attire, creating strife and mistrust with his producers.

Ernie and Kofi"There was also that Sesame Street album incident," said Ernie, who was recently seen meeting with U.N. Chairman Kofi Annan."I asked Bert what he wanted to sing for the Bert & Ernie Sing-Along, and he said: 'I don't want to sing along'. That ended up being the first track on the album."

Ernie hopes that his lifelong muppet buddy is able to turn his life around. He admits disappointment in Bert's recent choices, but thinks that the fuzzy-topped character can turn it around.

"Bert just needs to be in control of his own wires," added Ernie, who is scheduled to meet this weekend with Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien to discuss Canada's future in global economics. "Even through all this, Bert's still my best friend."

The Toque is published every Tuesday, and hasn't missed a deadline to date.

The Toque is not associated or affiliated with any other publication or vegetable. All of our stories are original and written by our own staff.

Wife Cleverly Renames Meals, Family Oblivious

ROSEDALE, IL-- Judith Merritt has a limited cooking repertoire, but after attending a marketing seminar at the Motel 6 conference hall last Saturday, she has learned that presentation can make her bland dinners seem like culinary marvels.

Mac 'n Cheese"Last night I made a 'Parmesan Pasta Casserole' for my family," said Judith. "They had no idea it was really only macaroni and cheese. I really sold them on it."

This week, Judith is planning to delight her loved ones with a daring meal of 'Oven-baked legumes in a tangy molasses sauce, mixed with sliced portions of pre-selected meat portions'. Judith hopes her weiners 'n beans spin-doctoring will have the family "eating out of her hands".

Starbucks Now Offering Ciprolicious Coffee Drinks

SEATTLE-- Starbucks, America's coffee leaders, will be serving a new line of beverages to eager customers starting this week. The trendy new drinks are expected to provide that extra peace-of-mind that only a Starbucks coffee can give.

After drinking a Starbucks coffee beverage, customers always have that warm, calming feeling, and now they will have added reassurance provided by the new line of cipro-laden drinks.

The ciproccino, iced cipro mocha, and the steamed ciprocano will also be featured alongside the cipro lattes..


magazine sponsor
This week's issue of The Toque sponsored by Charts N Graphs Magazine

Girl Wages Personal War Against Houseflies

Parents Battle With Empty Nest Syndrome

Construction Of Nunavut Parliament Building Nearly Complete

Cecil Sechelles
CECIL SECHELLES

EDITORIAL ARCHIVES

BURT UMBRE
CECIL SECHELLES
EVAN GILLESTE
FUBRICS SHORT
GROUCHY JOE
HELENA AUNDE-BAGUE
SHIRLEY EUGESTE

LINKS | DISCLAIMER | ABOUT US
 
This site is intended for adults. If you find this material offensive, please don't read it. Copyright 2005-2001, The Toque Entertainment.