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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR GOTH HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
BURKITTSVILLE, MARYLAND-- Maryland residents are blessed with pristine landscapes and winding highways that weave their way through unspoiled forests. The beautiful countrysides are a pleasure to behold, however the lulling scenery makes automotive travel dangerous for motorists--and for the forest denizens.
In particular, Goths, lugubrious followers of a punk-like subculture, can cause people quite a fright when they dart out on to dark highway roads, catching the drivers unawares. Maryland state troopers caution travelers to be extra careful when nearing Goth crossings--especially at night. "Their dark clothing, brooding manner, and general lack of awareness of their surroundings make them quite a danger not only to themselves, but also to the driving public," said Kenneth Bragg, spokesperson for the Maryland Transportation Authority. "The road signs help a little, but you've really got to keep a sharp eye out for these socially subcultured jaywalkers." October is especially difficult for highway travelers as Goth numbers are high during the Fall. Hallowe'en festivities also seem to bring more Goths out of hiding. "They'll dash out on to the highway without thinking", said Billy Ray Thompson, a long-haul truck driver."I've come pretty close to hitting Goths with my Kenworth on several occasions. They're worse than raccoons, although they look pretty much the same from a distance." Why are so many Goths seen crossing the highways at night? Are they disaffected with life or do they just prefer the dark? "Goths are very light sensitive," said Dr. Freddy Freeman, who is the director of Goth Studies at the University of Maryland. "They travel mostly at night, on foot, as most of them lack proper funding for motorized transportation." Dr. Freeman believes that the moon does help reduce the danger of hitting Goths. "Their pale complexions, combined with the moon's reflected rays create a sort of shimmer that helps drivers react quicker to Goth-On-Road situations, " he said. "And many of the sexier Goths will wear sequins or bright red crushed velvet capes. These make them easier to see at night." "It's really unfortunate for the traditional black-cloaked Goths," added Dr. Freeman. "They're the ones that are the highest risks." Last year, highway "roadkill" accidents accounted for 37% of Goth deaths. Most happened as they crossed the highway going from one underground club to another. "Truckers are the number-one killer of Goths in New England," said Ravendawn Trueblood, a New Hampshire Goth. "If only drivers would pay more attention to the street signs, there would be fewer Goth-related roadside tragedies." The state of Maryland hopes to introduce a Goth awareness program next month, and private insurance companies may have to withdraw the waiving of deductibles for all Goth-related accidents. "We
don't want to encourage anyone," said Bragg.
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