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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
HOLLYWOOD-- There is a graveyard in the back of an unmarked Hollywood lot that promises to frighten more people than the latest Scream movie. The Three's Company cemetary is an unsettling place that serves as a reminder, nay, a warning to untested actors. Beware the ghosts that haunt this terrible place, for they are the spirits of not the actors, but the careers these actors once possessed.
When one looks upon this eerie scene, headstones can be seen, granite and marble reminders that rise out of the ground like stone weeds. Iron-wrought bars wrap around one or two of the graves like prison bars. Back in one corner, a grand crypt looks over the rest of the plots, the resting place of Norman Fell's career. His surname speaks of great irony, as his was a career beyond those of his Three's Company peers. The grand marble columns project a majesty that doesn't seem to belong amidst the poor gravemarkers that represent Jenilee Harrison or Jordan Charney. One can tell immediately how neglected the cemetary appears. The headstones are worn, or faded, and sit listing to one side, or pressed up against its neighbour. A queasy feeling comes across a curious onlooker, who gazes upon the unblemished headstone of Suzanne Somers, which, when looked upon closely, appears to have been smoothed or sanded at one time or another. Several of the markers are made of wood, which would make them seem less likely to endure, and most would believe represents their insignificane. If one squints, you can almost make out the name "Ann Wedgeworth" on one such wooden marker. There is even a grave that appears to contain more than one career, and the inscription of "Bartenders" across a plank at the head of a sunken plot. The gates surrounding the cemetary are made of wood, withered pickets with chipped paint that scream of rot. There is a path of uneven stones that passes by the almost noble looking granite obelisk that has the name "Lindley" in embossed capital letters down its front. It is almost not worthy of this cemetary, but remains there as a solemn, solitary monument, reaching up towards the heavens. A withered muumuu lays draped across its base. Beware, any who would trespass into this unholy resting place. It is far better to seek thrills and screams elsewhere, as this is a disquieting place. A simple questioning
look appears on another visitor. Why is there nothing in this cemetary
bearing the name of Don Knotts?
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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