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Girlfriend Is A Real Knockout

NATE'S GYM-- In the ring, Carlos Rodriguez is a fierce competitor with a right-hook that can blind a man. Outside the ropes, he's been blinded--by love.

Carlos Rodriguez shares a tender moment with his punching bag.

Carlos has developed an infatuation with his punching bag.

"I was hitting on her every day," said Carlos, stroking the sides of the bag. "I got to know every soft spot, every cute little wrinkle. I knew her from top to bottom. And then one day it hit me in the face: damn it, I love her!"

Eddy the Fish, Carlos' trainer admits that sometimes boxers get emotionally attached to their equipment.

"They spend a lot of time here at the gym," said Eddy the Fish. "I make sure they get worked hard. And they sure aren't getting any love from me--you can bet on that. I was working Carlos to the bone--that worthless worm--trying to put some muscle on that light little frame of his. I guess he got bowled over by that bag. I've seen weirder though. One time this guy got into his glove in a serious way, and there was this other guy who had a thing for mouth pieces. I had to kick that guy out."

Carlos is afraid the physical abuse he dished-out early on in the relationship may have bruised the relationship. "I admit that at first, it was very physical. And she was very resistent. But she showed she was able to stand up to me, and it was a quality in a punching bag that I admired and respected."

"But I can't hit her anymore," said Carlos. "I dance with her instead. Really I just want to hold on tight and not let go."

Other boxers are not so sensitive to Carlos' feelings, saying that as the club bag she should be shared by all the guys. In a violent confrontation one of the other boxers dared to call her "that old bag in the corner." Carlos knocked his lights out. "No one talks about my dearest like that," he said.

"I can't share my sweetheart with anyone," admitted Carlos. "Every time I see someone punching her, I get fiercely jealous, and just want to hit them." Now, most of the other boxers avoid Carlos and spend more time with the medicine balls.

Although Carlos denies there is anything wrong with his relationship, he has been seeing a counsellor, Dr. Ramone Vasquez, about his "issues" with the bag. "I think you can say that love has knocked him senseless," said Dr. Vasquez. "It's perfectly normal for a young man. I've encouraged him to masturbate frequently--without the gloves--and visit prostitutes for a little variety."

"I really love my punching bag," Carlos announced during a workout last week. "She's my 'Everlasting' love."

"I just hope he doesn't knock her up," said Eddy the Fish.

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