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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR FOOTBALL HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
DENVER, CO-- Robert Smail didn't think he was doing anything wrong when he wore a two-teamed NFL jersey to last week's football game between the Broncos and the Chargers. Robert Smail wasn't thinking at all.
Smail, a particularly strange, yet unique fan of both the Denver Broncos and the San Diego Chargers, was roughed up by several men who thought his "half 'n half" football jersey (one side Denver, the other side San Diego) was "an abomination." "I don't know what they thought I did," said a sobbing Smail, 23. "I've always been proud of the 'Orange Crush', but I'm also a huge fan of Junior Seau. Is that so wrong?" Apparently it was. Smail was attending the game at new Invesco Field with a couple of old high school friends, when he was confronted by "four or five" angry football fans. His own friends, Bronco fans in their own right, were too stunned to help him. During the fray, Smail had the "devil-spawn" nylon jersey forcibly removed from his body, leaving him with only the ash-grey "Property Of UNLV" t-shirt he wore underneath. Fans of both football teams were still jeering him, as he scrambled back to his mother's Chrysler Neon, parked in an event lot nearby. One of the combatants, who would only give his name as "Sam", explained his actions: "I'm usually a very reasonable man, but when I saw that guy wearing a double-jersey like that, I just lost it. They're in the same division for Christ's sake." Sam described himself as a Broncos purist, and stated that he would defend the sanctity of Broncos merchandise whenever called upon again. Wil Pemberton, a part-time popcorn concession worker, witnessed the incident. He believed that Sam's actions--and the others--were justified. "That double jersey shit is intolerable," said Wil. "I could have understood if he was wearing a half Colorado Avalanche, half Quebec Nordiques jersey. That would have made sense. He would have been forgiven had it been a Houston Oilers/Tennessee Titans jersey. Even an L.A. Rams/St. Louis Rams jersey...no wait, they're the same aren't they..." Smail, when asked if he would wear the "other halves" of the jerseys to a future Broncos/Chargers game, replied: "I'll think about it. Maybe I'll just wear two different Official NFL crew socks instead." Smail later admitted that he once wore a two-sided baseball cap of the Colorado Rockies and Montreal Expos. "So shoot me for being a Larry Walker fan," said Smail. Sam, who
overhead Smail's comments, deeply considered that suggestion as he left
the stadium grounds with the blasphemous jersey under his arm, only slightly
tattered from the fray.
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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