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Kent Fukuzura, Making Science Simple

Cloning humans is the news of the year. I'm sure you've read all the reports and are looking forward to living for more than a thousand years of fun-filled experiments with me! How does cloning work? Using materials around the house and borrowing mother's kitchen for a few hours we will make, and hatch, our own stem-cell filled zygote.

In this experiment we will clone one of your siblings. You could clone yourself just as easily, but when cloning is banned and the men in white jackets come, they might make a mistake and take you away instead of the clone for "study". You don't want to be the victim of mistaken identity!

Scientific Principles:
Before getting started let's look at what a clone actually is. Cloning involves making an exact copy of some living thing. To do that we'll need tissue samples. Here's another good reason to clone your sibling--you don't want to cut yourself!

Stuff You'll Need:
Besides the blood or tissue sample, you'll need an ovary. Human eggs are small and hard to come by without surgery, so take an egg from the fridge. We'll also need some clean bowls and a magnifying glass to see what's going on better.

Making The Clone:
Carefully break the egg into a glass bowl, making sure the yolk remains whole. Using the magnifying glass and a small probe you've made on father's lathe, break apart the individual blood or tissue cells of your human sample. Extract the chromosones using a straw. Don't worry if you miss the first time, practice makes perfect.

Count the chomosones carefully before proceeding. You should have 23 pairs. Make sure none are missing or broken. Missing or broken chromosones could result in defective, sick or retarded clones. Remember you want this clone helping you, not the other way around.

Insert the extracted pairs into the egg's yolk, being careful not to actually break it. You may need two or three tries to get it right. Reinsert the egg into the shell and put under a heat lamp or incubator at 37.5 C (99.5 F) for 21 days. Turn twice a day, and keep the humidity at 60%.

Applications For Your Clone:
Not only have we learned some fascinating facts about genetics that will be useful later in life but with the clone you can have a new playmate, science partner and slave. Public acceptance of clones may be many years away, so keep your clone chained up in the old shed out back.

Kent's Archive of Science

 
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DISCLAIMER:

Kent's column is intended for amusement purposes only. Never tickle atomic monsters, don't put 9-volt batteries on your tongue, and never use wooden spoons to stir your acids.

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