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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR BACHELOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
Let's admit it. We hate doing laundry. Unless we are blessed with an apartment with built-in cleaning appliances, or if mom comes by and relieves you of the burden, you are going to have to enter the foreboding dungeon that is the laundry room. However, I may be able to alleviate some of your washing woes by suggesting a few tips to help cut back on your loads. First, as I have mentioned in previous articles, Fabreze® is your friend. This miracle spray can add days of freshness to your clothing. And you need not even remove the clothes you are wearing now--simply spray and go. Now while this magical combination of cleaning chemicals would seem the end-all, there are limits to its freshening powers. But there are other sound methods, proven in battle, that can keep you from wasting your evening folding clothes. This will be helpful when you want to watch that Red Dwarf marathon. Of course the obvious answer lies in the clothes you buy and wear. Denim, and other cotton should be your only choices. If you run low on these materials, buy more. One suggestion is to sign up with any credit card company that offers you a free t-shirt. Vendor-ware (clothing with a company's advertising on it) can be a godsend. Also, I mentioned in a previous article that you can take your shirt off while you eat to prevent spilling tomato sauce on yourself. Well, further to that, you could just hang around your apartment in your underwear, or if you expect guests, a bathrobe. Bathrobes can go months without a good washing. Nobody expects you to entertain in a clean robe anyway. Deodorant is another good tip. Nothing drowns out body odor better than a fresh coat of Right-Guard™. Even if you do perspire, it's a fresh sporty-scent, instead of your own uncomplimentary odors. I would avoid perfumes and colognes, as they may mingle with your own scents, providing a rather potent, yet not altogether welcome aroma. The kings of Europe tried this several centuries ago, and it didn't work for them. Are some of your clothes starting to wear out? Turning over your sport socks so that the worn parts are on top may add life to them, but they're still going to stink. Just throw them out and start fresh. Your parents will always send socks when you ask, and they won't ever keep track. Delivering garbage bags of clothes to your parents will work in a pinch, but it requires effort, and you will likely have to listen to your grandmother talk about the days when they washed clothes in a barrel. This is all precious time that you could better spend playing on a friend's new X-Box. Eventually, you will have to wash your laundry, after exhausting every other option--airing, rotating (taking the least offensive smelling clothes and wearing them), etc. But I hope sincerely that I have given you a few more options. It's tough
being on your own, and even tougher following the rules the world has
set for us. Stay single!
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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