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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
CALGARY-- As winter approaches the central Canadian provinces, food is becoming more scarce. The frozen, snow-covered plains make it harder for animals in the wild to find their food. It is at these times when prairie seals wander into cities and towns, scrounging through garbage and trash looking for something to eat.
There is no reason to fear the seals, as are mostly harmless, except when nurturing young, and it's always best to avoid getting between a cow and its seal cub. There is no threat of rabies, as the seals won't bite, but they may nibble at your hand when reaching for a treat. However, it is possible a prairie seal with press its wet nose against your arm or leg in a seemingly affectionate manner. Wildlife Canada specifically warns against feeding prairie seals, although this may be difficult, because they are such cute creatures. "The seals will often do tricks," said Henrietta Wollfhunde, a wildlife officer. "They'll clap for leftovers, or bark and whimper like a dog while begging for a snack. It's makes them harder to resist." City of Calgary officials are urging citizens to comply with the "no feeding" policy. "We mustn't encourage these animals. If we feed them, they will just keep returning," said Calgary mayor Dave Bronconnier. "We must resist feeding these wild creatures, as they will lose their ability to hunt effectively in the wild." "The city recommends that homeowners secure their garbage cans, and avoid leaving fish guts out in the open," added the mayor. "If you must use a salmon smoker, or cure fish in your shed, keep it locked at all times." Although there have only been a dozen or so sightings within the city limits so far, animal control officials are preparing for a heavy season of seal wanderings. Traps are being prepared, large cages with buckets of herring to lure the seals. The seals are captured in the cages, and then released back into the wild, far from inhabited regions. Several Inuit parties have expressed interest in "removing the problem". "We would be willing to extract the seals from the inhabited areas of your towns," said Oomliq Ooliwqiqik. "No questions asked." Environmentalists disagree with the city's actions, believing that humans are the invaders, not prairie seals. "The prairie seals are not to blame," stated Marie Besoin, a University of Alberta specialist on prairie seals, desert otters, and the wild-country walrus. "It's not the seals' fault--people are encroaching on their habitat. Not so many years ago, these streets were seal hunting grounds, and in this area seal dens were quite common. We were the ones who built on their land, pushing them farther into the prairies." Marie suggested
that a national park be established to protect prairie seal habitats.
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