 |
 | |||
|
|
| |||
|
|
 |
 |
||||||||||||||||||
| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR RELIGIOUS HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
VATICAN CITY-- The Roman Pontiff, as the successor of Peter, the perpetual and visible principle and foundation of unity of both the bishops and of the faithful, has expanded the Labour Office of the Pontifical See to include a new pizza making and delivery service.
The pope, John Paul II, fell in love with the pizza concept early last year. "I love these things," the pope is reported to have said. "Look, I can use my hands to eat, and better yet, if I eat out of the box there aren't any dishes to do. None!" The pope, 81, is still a bachelor, although in theory he is wedded to God. God has repeatedly said he doesn't "do" dishes. Concerned that the faithful were not getting a properly blessed pizza, the pope decided to offer his own brand. Each pizza is officially blessed by nothing less than a cardinal before being sent out. "We don't use holy water for this," said Cardinal Etruzzi Castiofiore, one of the men behind the counter, "instead, we drizzle a small amount of olive oil over the cheese, just before we put it in the oven. Man, it's good."
The Swiss Guards love it. "I buy it by the slice," said Armin Nathaniel, pike-holder. "It's easy to eat while working, and any stains don't show on my uniform." Special pizza-mobiles have been ordered through Fiat, with humidity and heat controls to ensure a piping-hot pizza for every delivery in the Vatican City area. Franchising is set to begin early next year, with strict rules to ensure quality standards. "We'll have a proper inquisition for applicants," said the Spanish Cardinal Amerigo Vel Hostas. Few popes have tried to expand the reach of the Church into the faithful's stomachs. Pope Paul VI created a hamburger stand in 1975 to compete with the McDonald's just down the street, but it failed after only 2 years. The burning bushes used to charbroil the burgers left an acrid aftertaste that was unpalatable with most eaters. God was not
available for comment.
|
|||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
||||||||||||||||||
| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
| Tell us what you thought. Visit our Message Boards. | HOME | DISCLAIMER | ABOUT US | Copyright 2005-2001 The Toque Entertainment. |
