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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HIKING HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
AT THE PROVINCIAL PARK-- Nature's untamed forces and treacherous landscapes can be more than dangerous to a man not suited to the wilderness. Kevin Adamson, a 23-year-old Perl programmer, considers himself lucky to be alive after a recent ordeal at Manning Provincial Park. Kevin's first experience in the wilderness was one he would not soon forget.
Kevin, who once wrote a three-line computer program that saved a company thousands of dollars, went camping over the long weekend with several friends, who invited him along knowing full-well that he had never been outside before. Kevin, misunderstood and confused, was left behind when he became entangled in a n aspen tree. He had been scouting ahead for his friends on a daytime hike, hoping to be able to warn them of any potential dangers, such as bears, cougars, or mountain-men. Spotting a tree with low branches he climbed up for a better view. It was only when he tried to get down that he realized how high up he was, and how treacherously slippery the trunk seemed to be. "They left me alone against nature. There was a raging river below me, and nothing but my wits to keep me alive," said Kevin about his terrifying experience. "At any moment I might have plunged into the river's icy waters, carried away in an instant by its torrential current." "Kevin's raging river was a little creek that opened up into a shallow pool," said Shelly Neumann, one of Kevin's friends. "Had he fallen the four feet into the water, he would have realized that the water was cold--all the way up to his calves." Kevin had a different assessment of his predicament, and blames his so-called friends. "They abandoned me," said Kevin. "In my moment of need. And their laughter was a cruel torture to my ears." "Kevin got himself stuck in the crook of a tree He didn't want to come down on the other side because he didn't want to get any 'slimy moss' on his new Nike running shoes," replied Shelly. "We didn't abandon him. We were a short distance away, at the picnic area," said Stuart Corson, Kevin's buddy from high school. "Kevin could have climbed down from that tree and joined us anytime he wanted to." Kevin was eventually able to extricate himself from his precarious position, but only after being confronted with the cold reality that death may have wanted to reach out its bony hand to assist him. "I'll not soon be facing that challenge again," said Kevin afterwards. "Perhaps it was best that I found the strength inside myself, the resolve necessary to face the obstacles that Nature chose to throw in my path." Kevin's friends are also glad it's over. "He
is such a dweeb," added Shelly. "We invited Kevin out camping,
because he is such a computer nerd, and we thought the fresh air and outdoors
would do him good," added Shelly. "Next time we'll let him go
to his precious Quake tournament instead."
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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