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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
My name is Frank Herschel. You probably remember me as Captain Electro--the number one heavy-weight criminal mastermind between 1971 and 1978. During my time on the top I made full use of leading-edge technologies like wind-power to foil the forces of good. If it wasn't for those meddling kids I would have succeeded in taking over the UN not once or twice, but three times! Now that I've retired I'm here to help you fulfil your destiny to take over the world. This week we'll look at your equipment. Next to your costume, the equipment and technologies you use are your most important asset. It helps if you're an evil mental genius like Professor Carsgill, known in the trade as Quantitive Hydrogen Man (QHM), but a good engineering background is usually sufficient. Theoretical and mathematical scientists don't normally make good miscreants as no technology has been derived from their theories yet. The exception was Cesium 637 Man, who had a brief half-life as a mastermind of nuclear crime in the late 1940s, but he certainly didn't have staying power. Formidable stainless steel machines with plenty of levers and and flashing red lights are absolutely essential. Make sure everything is clearly labelled in large capital letters. The computer controlling your machines and diabolical plans should be in a conspicuous place and have an easy-to-use interface. No one wants to be messing with code at a critical moment. A few key taps should be all that is necessary to launch or deactivate your doomsday missiles. I like the new Mac OS for that--and it looks pretty too. Don't forget styling details. Make sure your logo and trade-marked symbols (see my upcoming article on syndication) are prominently displayed on every piece of equipment. You want the proper credit for all your actions. A good idea is to shape your transportation into your symbol. The Puffin, for example, has his nuclear submarine in the shape of his name-sake bird, including wings for the steering mechanism. You can't just rely on ready-made machines, however. The Magnet was foiled in 1958 when Team Aurora reversed the polarity on the electro-karilian magnetos he bought from some evil German, trapping him forever in a force-field created by his own sinister weapon! Don't let it happen to you! Learn how to reverse polarities, de-fissile your piles, or otherwise quickly react when do-gooders try to subvert your machines and ultimate weapons of destruction. With clearly
labelled knobs and levers, accurate gauges, and a thorough understanding
of the technology and jargon underlying your machines your will be prepared
for success!
Captain Electro's Archive Of Evil Tips
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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Step By Step Guide With Former Evil Genius Captain Electro
