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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
NEW WESTMINSTER, BC-- A clean kitchen is your best protection against unwanted pests, even cute ones. Dust Pests, a common household problem, are sometimes the hardest to eliminate.
Dust Pests
are neither animal nor insect, and their true origins are unknown. Yet
it is not unusual to find them skittering across household floors, like
furry little rodents, spreading cuteness throughout. These little critters
are most often found amongst the unswept clutter of your house. Dirt,
hair, or even uneaten food are common things that can attract a Dust Pest. But getting rid of a Dust Pest can be almost as hard as killing a ladybug. Ladybugs are cute little insects, but they can be a serious threat to your foliage. Dust Pests are as cute as they are bothersome, and it's best to eliminate the problem before you become too attached. Dust Pests aren't particularly dangerous, as they are mostly soft to the touch, and they lack any sharp protrusions. But the real danger is in the emotional attachment they form with homeowners. The cute factor is a serious detriment when trying to rid yourself of a Dust Pest.
Left unattended, Dust Pests can gnaw away at ethernet cables, eating away at precious bandwidth. The best advice is to let a man remove any Dust Pests that collect in your home. Men are less affected by soft, cuddly pests, and they can dispose of them easier. The easiest way to prevent Dust Pests is to sweep, mop and vacuum regularly. They are also highly attracted to caffeinated beverages, so limit your Mt. Dew spills, and keep the lids airtight on all cola bottles. Exterminators are costly, and may present unecessary health hazards in your home. But a contracted professional may be your best solution especially when faced with this unusual moral dilemma. A no-questions-asked approach to your Dust Pest problem may be your best choice. However you
choose to deal with your Dust Pest situation, just remember the difficulties
that the Klingons had when they chose to ignore their tribble problem.
Take affirmative action and rid yourself of these mysterious vermin, and
do it now.
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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"It's
the same thing with Lintsects, those fuzzy little creatures that are formed
when you don't empty the lint tray in your dryer," said Floerstrom.
"Of course, you just need to spray those with water, and then they'll
fall in on themselves. If you were to spray a Dust Pest, it would just
matte up, not unlike a cat."
