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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
COMMUNITY POOL-- Capitalizing on the popularity of aquatic excercise and a growing interest in the paranormal, local recreation centres are getting into the spirit of things, through aquatic séancing.
"It gives the kids of all ages a chance to combine swimming, a gentle yet vigourous cardiovascular activity and the hope to reach across the spiritual threshold to contact a loved one who has passed over to the other side," said Mrs. Hobbleston, Program Director at the Community Pool and Leisure Centre. "It's very popular with fat middle-aged women, of course," said Mrs. Hobbleston, "but there are a surprising number of teen-aged girls too. Many aren't even over-weight. Perhaps the messages of continous exercise are finally sinking into the population." Madame Zeta Zimbale, séance and exercise animator, believes that the pool acts as a lens through the dimensional portals, allowing easier contact with the departed. "Of course death is merely the removal of this husk we inhabit," she said. "The spirit should move easily to other dimensions unless there is unfinished business on this plane. That's why these 'callings' are so important. Using the pool as an aid to our supplication, along with knee-lifts, ten with the right and then ten with the left, the departed spirits find it easier to let their loved ones know what has to be done for them to be truly at rest." "It was through the exercise séance that I learned that my dear departed Henry wasn't at peace," said Mrs. Huberts. "I was doing the jumping jacks, but modified because I can't jump so good. Basically I hop a bit with my arms out of the water. I was getting out of breath when finally I heard Henry. 'My dill' he seemed to say, and then I realized that I had forgotten to water his prize-winning dill since he died. I went back and watered the plants. I've felt he is ready to move on since." Several classes have been formed especially for younger people. "We have more up-tempo dance music for one thing," said Madame Zimabale, "not The Little River Band we use for the more elderly and unfit classes. I also try to incorporate more play in the exercise and séance. We sometimes throw an inflatable ouija board around, for example." "Not
only is it fun, I got to talk to Grandpa Wilson who died last year,"
said Betsy Cobble, "and my friend Tracy says she talked to Jim Morrison."
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