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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR BACHELOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
The key to harmonizing your hygiene with your free-time needs is calculating exactly when you need to shower, how often your body--or society--requires it. (Now let me first explain that this article is not for the pretty-boys who get up an hour early each morning just to shower. I'm not concerned with the people who need to use that apricot shit on their face, or rub the cucumber extract into their pores. That said...) Initially we must determine what type of work you are involved in, or the school you are attending. Tradesmen and apprentices have it the easiest--as bachelors. If you work outdoors, nature is doing most of the work for you. A good stiff breeze will do wonders to your natural aroma. As someone who is exerting himself, you are not expected to smell Sunday fresh. You wear your grubbiest clothes to work, or are wearing a uniform. You work, you perspire, and nobody thinks twice about it. Shower only when you deem it necessary. Working in an office, or going to school can prove to be the greater challenge. It's best to plan for a Monday morning shower, right off the bat. This one is usually the most necessary as you've likely gone the entire weekend without a shower, and perhaps Friday as well, depending in your social calendar. Even if you only got up all weekend to refill your cola cup, or you only spilled the one mustard packet down inside your shirt, it all adds up. Believe me, just get the weekend grime and oil out of your system and out of your mind. Now, again depending on your schedule, you may be able to hold out until Thursday or beyond. But let's not push it. Plan for a second shower Thursday night--no sense showering in the morning, because you will just be getting dirtier through the day. If you are planning to go out, either Thursday or Friday, you are now set. Two showers in one week. That's pretty good cleanliness management. Now of course, there are other helpful tips should you require additional hygiene. Running your head under the kitchen sink, or sponging yourself under the armpits offers you a level of clean without undue inconvenience or effort. Handwashing all the way up your arms might also give you a benefit of clean that requires no more work than flushing the toilet (which we'll get into in a future article). Remember that the baseball cap is your friend--always good to remember when oil build-up or excessive gel makes your hair less than manageable. Mother always said that a tablespoon of cornstarch always restored the hair's natural balance, but mother didn't have friends questioning the white powder in her hair. I hope that
these kernels of hygienic wisdom are of benefit to you, the single individual.
Let not the world dissuade you from your own course in social acceptance.
Stay single!
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