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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
NEIGHBOUR'S PICNIC-- Colbert Andrews, 66, retired six months ago after a fulfilling career. His neighbour, Brian Nichiforic, who is twenty-two, understands that the elderly gentleman is going through a maturing process. Brian, a responsible citizen, has been trying not to lose patience with Mr. Andrews and his new devil-may-care attitude.
Colbert's recent "attitude" has been a disturbance to the neighbourhood. "Listen old man, I'm not giving you your badminton birdie back," said the much-younger Brian, during a recent confrontation. "It landed in my prize-winning herb garden. You should learn to respect other people's property, and be careful playing those types of games around the yard." Brian has had several other run-ins with Mr. Andrews over the past few months, mostly as a result of the old man's failure to act responsibly. "That Andrews drives his '66 Studebaker up and down our street like some wild rebel. He needs to understand that this is a family neighbourhood, and not some race track." Brian has restrained himself from calling the police on numerous occasions, hoping that a stern resolve from a responsible adult would work instead. The latest attempt to quell Colbert's blatant disregard for authority was last Saturday night, when Colbert was "having another party", and had his Andy Williams music "cranked up." "I tried to be the mature one that night," said Nick. "I went over to Mr. Andrews house to ask him to turn the music down, but he told me to 'fart off' and then he slammed the door on me." Brian believes he has acted appropriately in those situations. At the Camber's barbecque (across the street) two weekends ago, Mr. Andrews accosted Brian, accusing him of "running the neighbourhood like it was under Marshall law". Brian kept his emotions under control. "Don't mess with me, old man," said Brian. "When I was a lot younger--in school--I knew how to deal with old-age punks like you. Back then I would have fed you a knuckle sandwich for lunch, and a big serving of humble pie for dessert." Afterwards, Brian regretted having to use a threatening tone. "He needs to learn," said Brian. "A strong nurturing environment could correct his behaviour." Brian feels that perhaps Mr. Andrews' children are not supervising their father enough, and that their neglect is getting him into trouble. "They really should be taking a stronger interest in their father and his activities," said Brian. "He has far too much time on his own, and I fear he may end up hanging around with the wrong type of elderly people. I may have to have a nice chat with those kids." Colbert has also apparently been skipping out of craft class at the retirement centre, and been heard screaming loudly in public with his girlfriend Bertie Webster. Although admittedly, the screaming may have been attributable to the pair's hearing loss. "Old
people, like Mr. Andrews have to learn that retirement isn't playtime,"
added Brian. "He has to learn that with all this free time comes
responsibility, and he needs to respect other people--especially those
younger than him."
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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