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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR MYTHICAL HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
MANNING PROVINCIAL PARK--Human intervention, a shrinking woodland enviornment, and the musical lures of civilization are threatening the habitat and culture of one of Canada's magical species, the forest satyr. These peaceful, cloven-heeled woodlanders are in danger of losing their distinct identity if logging, highway construction, and the flashing lights of Big City continue to intrude.
Forest satyrs were long thought to be creatures of legend, faerie tales invented to amuse children. But Indian tribes in the Southwest of British Columbia recited tales of fleet-footed musical beasts, half-man and half-goat, that lived amid the Douglas firs and the Sitka spruce. It wasn't until 1927 that a tribe of satyrs was found, living as they had for millenia--untouched by civilization--in the heart of Manning Park, a provincial forest only three hours from the city of Vancouver. Ethnobiologists believe they are a remnant of the Atlantid group of Satyrs that fled West after the sinking of Atlantis, and that the larger Eastern group migrated towards Greece, where they were absorbed by the dominant culture by around 400 AD. Not surprising, the Greeks believe that ethnobiologists are extinct, and that Atlantis is a prospering island with many casinos. "It was really quite a find when we first made contact with this lost tribe of satyrs--which we had originally mistaken as partying high-school students on a grad weekend," said Dr. Elizabeth Answorth, Head of Historical Creatures Studies at the University of British Columbia. "Before that, the satyrs were aware of humans, but chose to remain hidden, fearing that conservative Canadians would put an end to their unrestrained revelry. We think they may have been living too close to a Mennonite colony." Until their discovery, the satyrs had spent centuries partying in peace--drinking, dancing, and chasing wood nymphs until dawn. "The timber industry changed all that overnight," described Dr. Answorth. "Suddenly their ancestral lands were being cut down, their hunting grounds were diminished, and their potent home-brew kits were stolen by thirsty woodcutters. The arrival of the Trans-Canada Highway in the 1960s practically destroyed their isolation. Now, their very survival as a separate culture and species is threatened. Today, many younger satyrs--some only in their early nineties--leave the forest looking for jobs in the human economy. Once they leave they seldom return." "The timber industry has always had its way until now, which was unfortunate for the satyrs," said Deputy Minister of the Environment, Walter Thistle. "There's only so much a faerie with a pan flute can do to protect the trees. However, now their habitat is enclosed within Manning Park, and these tough new anti-employment laws should encourage them to return to their former way of life." The new C-29A bill was introduced into parliament during the last session and makes it illegal to sell alcohol to satyrs at any time of the year, or hire them as guides, distillers, or musicians. "If they can't find jobs in the cities they may feel encouraged to move back to their homeland and continue with their traditional customs," said Mr. Thistle. "Not only will we be helping maintain the diversity that some feel is so important, but we'll restore our favour with the goddess Dionysus. It's a win-win situation." This is the first Creature Protective Area created since the Khazaad-Dhuum Orc Sanctuary was created near Great Slave Lake in the Northwest Territories in 1982. Canadian forest satyrs have always been small in numbers, mostly because the harsh Canadian winters made it difficult for a creature who only wore clothing made from moss and tree sap. But some limited trading with the Hudson's Bay Company did allow them to acquire denim and other soft cottons. Tribes of
forest satyrs existed in Eastern Canada, but were consolidated onto reserves
by the 1950s. Now they depend on tourism for a living. In the United States,
colonists captured and imprisoned the entire American population of satyrs
in the late 1790's, believing them to be tools of Satan. The last American
satyr died in a travelling circus in 1886.
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