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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
BELLEVUE, WA-- You may feel sorry for me now, but I will rebound from being dumped by you, and then you will be the one feeling sorry for yourself.
You may think it quite apparent I was at fault for the demise of our relationship, but I don't think I should be accepting all of the blame. I'm sure that if I had remembered our third-week anniversary, we'd still be together, kissing and smooching like newlyweds. I can't help it that my buddy Jason was having an all-night Highlander movie marathon the very same evening. Had I known you were planning something special, I would have definitely given you something personal and meaningful and spent the requisite amount of time with you, after the movies were over. Perhaps it didn't help that I bragged to my co-workers about the first time we had sex. I certainly didn't think you would find out. Should I be blamed because I shared details of our most intimate moments with people you had never even met? You couldn't possibly be mad at me for flirting. I was just being friendly to that cute girl in the mall--the one with the really nice breasts. That wolf call I made was only out of politeness. It seems petty for me to mention this now, but your friends weren't very receptive to me. My ethnic jokes were taken out of context at that party your friend Mae-Ling had, although I admit they would have been much funnier if I hadn't been slurring so much. She did say for me to help myself to the beers. And I told her I would have gladly helped her clean up the stains on the carpet if I hadn't had to leave to catch my bus. You looked like you didn't want to be there anyways. Had I taken you out a few more times, I'm sure we would still be cuddling today. You didn't seem to mind paying for both of us most of the time. I thought I was being courteous when I let you pay for our dinners, the movies, and when I let you buy that alternator for my Tercel. After I had the car fixed, I probably would have even picked you up from work in it if my driver's license wasn't suspended. And was it my fault that you weren't interested in going to the Quake LAN last weekend? I thought you would have gotten along well with Ryan's 13-year-old sister. I guess you never understood the value of "guy-time". It wasn't exactly like breaking a date when I changed my mind about going to meet your parents that Saturday. But perhaps it was a little selfish of me calling you at your office those many times. I was only trying to express myself to you. Your boss needn't have been so rude to me--I wasn't serious when I told him what you really thought of him. And besides, you said you'd be able to get another job right away. You know I would have shaved more often had I not had such sensitive skin. That's also why I chose to wear the same jeans every day. It's not like I chose to dress like this. And I thought I was being eco-friendly by not wasting water showering every day. If it was that important to you, you should have told me more than just those two times. So I guess I have
a right to question why you broke up with me. It seems rather cold that
you would question my devotion to you, after I invested almost a whole
month in our relationship. Someday you will look back on this moment with
regret, and realize how big a mistake you made. Farewell, my sweet.
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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