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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR BUSINESS HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
RANCHO CORDOVA, CA-- Youth and good looks might not always be the right combination for success. For William Taber, the opposite may be true.
Billy Taber finished school last spring, earning a diploma from the Southern California Business College in Product Marketing and Public Relations. For the next four months, Billy applied at several firms through the services of the Sacramento Urban Youth Employment Centre, but failed landing even an entry-level position. "I could get the interviews, but once they met me, all they saw was an untried youth, a punk," said Billy. "It seems I had the stuff they were looking for on paper, but that wasn't enough." Billy knew that something had to change. "After my employment councillor suggested getting some sun to dry out my acne I suddenly realized--like a bullet in the head--that it was all about image. Sure my resume looked professional, but I was still some gangly geek straight out of school. I hauled out my text books. I was a marketing professional now, and I knew I had to look the part." Billy took a trip to Shelley's Cuts on Sunrise Boulevard and had his hair dyed grey for a more distinguished look. He then spent a small fortune on a sun-tan parlour at Klaus' Men's Fashions on Sunset Avenue. "Style is substance," said Billy, who wishes to be called Will. "I know my birth certificate says I'm 'Bill', but 'Will' is more distinguished, and yet with that hint of casual that is so important for business contacts." His first post-hair interview was with The Sceptre Group, who immediately offered him a position as Marketing Director, based solely on his new-look appearance. Billy accepted after quickly negotiating a six-figure salary. Three weeks later, he was promoted to Regional Marketing Manager for the Northwest. "We needed someone who had not only the experience and wisdom but also the street smarts to portray the right image of our company to the sales teams in that region. William was just what our company needed," said Company Chairman Boris Kveljik. "We needed to get out of our 'token old guy' mold and get ourselves a seasoned professional. I don't know what he was doing before he joined us, and I don't care. But we sure scored with this acquisition." To complete the part, Billy traded in his Chevette for a Ford Taurus; he threw out his skateboard and learned to play squash; he even hired actors to pose as his family for a photograph he now has on his desk. But while the grey hair has given him the power he lacked, it isn't without its down side. Billy's girlfried, Justine, gets a lot of stares whenever they're out in public. "People usually think Billy's my dad," she said. "If we're smooching in public, or even holding hands, people will stare right at us. Once, this old lady hit me with her umbrella and called me a hooker." "That's okay," laughs Billy. "If justine's been a bad girl, well, she's not so old that I can't still take her over my knee." "At
least I don't get asked for ID at the mini-mart anymore," added Billy.
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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