Straight Man Bewitched By Fantasies

I'm a 30-year-old straight, attractive, in-shape man who has no problem meeting women. Lately, however, I've been having fantasies of having a sexual encounter with a straight man. It only seems to be getting stronger. What do you suggest?

—Desperate

Dear Desperate:

If we examine how witches, through consorting with the Devil, can obstruct the procreant function both in men and animals we can discern two primary methods.

Firstly, they directly prevent the erection of the member which is accomodated, by the Grace of God, to fructification. This need not seem impossible, when it is considered that they are able to effect the natural use of any member. Secondly, when they prevent the flow of vital essences to the members in which resides the motivational forces, closing up the seminal ducts so that they do not reach the generative vessels, or so that it cannot be ejaculated, or is fruitlessly spilled.

I'm afraid that some evil consort of the Devil has reached you by this second method. Your vital essences are blocked, meaning your natural motivations and desires, implanted in your soul at birth, are prevented from expressing themselves in the way intended by God.

How does this happen? At times the witch can cause it by means of images, or by the eating of herbs; sometimes by other external means, such as magic formulas performed on rooster's testicles. It is by the occult power of devils' illusions witches that these nefarious ends are accomplished, preventing men from copulating, or a women from conceiving.

And the reason for this is that God allows witches more power over the sexual act, and human desires for such, by which the first sin was disseminated, than over other human actions. Similarly they have more power over serpents, which are the most subject to the influence of incantations, than over other animals. It has often been found by myself and other Inquisitors that they have caused this obstruction by means of serpents, salamanders or some such things.

The first step in ridding yourself of these desires is to find the witch that is casting these spells. If you have several suspects name them all to the Inquisition and we'll sort it all out for you. That's our job.

Secondly, please step forward and identify yourself so we can examine for ourselves your bearing, your motivations and your current state of spiritual health. The effects of a witch may not be removed overnight by the removal of the instrument of the Devil. We'll want to make sure you are cured.

Thirdly, please provide us with a list of everyone you have encountered in the last three months. We will need to ensure that the contagion has not spread.

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