CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE

Text Ads and Text Links on The Toque Text Security Cameras Humor TopSites Biting Satire Funniest Jokes Super Duper Pages Directory Online Golf Dating Women Bowling Diet Weight Loss Apartments For Rent Home Equity Loan Fucked Up Link Dump Electric Bikes Learn English Free MP3s Funny Pets Home Garden Centers Canada Travel Funny Signs Good Canadian Website Free Emoticon Smiley Generator Really Bad Hair Womens Health Poker Gaming Sites I Have To Confess Cel Phones Refreshing News Rewarding Loans Car Insurance Lying Scumbag Pet Names Free Website Games Myspace Layouts Wacky Videos Puzzles And Stuff Text Link Advertising Modest Houses Language School Start Your Own Cult Evil Guide Grouchy Joe Proud American Bachelor Tips Domain Under Construction The Lord Above Virtual Web Log Nude Pictures Of Jessica Simpson Geek Jokes, Computer Jokes Funny Baby Pictures Adult Jokes Funny, Strange, Bizarre New Stories & Pictures! Daily Humor, Satire, And Funny Stories Advertise Text Links on The Toque

Kent Fukuzura, Science Made Simple

It's flu season again, and that means you and probably everyone you know has the fever, headache and sore throat associated with these rapidly evolving forms of influenza. This week, using only a few dishes in mother's kitchen, we will create an influenza shot custom-tailored to the variety that you are carrying.

The Science Of Influenza
There are three basic types of influenza, A, B and C. The C-type is so mild professional scientists don't bother with it, and so neither will we. Flu shots are created from the current crop of A and B viruses sweeping the globe. Because the genetic make-up of the viruses can shift quickly the virus in your neighbourhood may be different than the virus the pharmaceutical companies used to create their vaccine. Our home-made vaccine will fight the virus in your neighbourhood attacking you and your friends and family.

Stuff You'll Need:
You'll need to find someone already suffering from the flu to obtain samples. You'll also need a few dishes and cups from the kitchen, a microscope, and syringes.

How It Works:
Get your virus sample to cough up some specimens into a plate or bowl. The more the better. Stay well out of range or you may end up carrying the virus yourself! Wear rubber gloves and inject the material into several raw eggs for the virus to incubate. Keep the eggs warm, but off the stove. If you have a heat lamp in the bathroom you can put them there.

After 12 or 13 days open the eggs and mix the material together in a glass jar. Use father's lathe as a centifruge to separate the egg material from the virus. Count on about five CCs per person. You'll want to make sure the virus is dead before you inject it in anyone, so de-activate it by removing the neuraminidase or hemagglutinin protein from your sample.

Make a saline solution out of salt and water and mix your virus into it. Label your solution clearly and keep in the fridge so it doesn't go bad.

Next, you'll need to get syringes. Needle exchange programs will often give you a few for free, so take advantage of their largess! Test your vaccine before using it on yourself or someone important to you. Sometimes there can be adverse reactions to the flu vaccine, so if your test subject gets really sick don't despair, do a test on another subject.

Once you're happy with the results you can inject yourself and your friends and family with our own home-made, and custom-tailored vaccine, fighting the version of the flu that's in your neighbourhood. Mother will be so proud!

Kent's Archive of Science