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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
Microwave ovens are a quick source of powerful electromagnetic fields that can be used for all sorts of interesting projects. The US military used microwaves to knock out Iraqi communications and radar devices during the Gulf War, and you can use them to play a good practical joke on your friends' cell phones, PDAs and other electromagnetic devices. What you'll need: Methodology: Carefully remove the inner lining of the oven (don't break it as you'll want to put it back later) and re-align the antenna transponders to redirect in a three-point fashion out the door. You'll want the lines of electromagnetic energy to be focused a a spot about 10 feet out in front and about head-high. Your unsuspecting guests will not even be aware of the weapon being pointed right at their heads! Next, create an activation mechanism by using one of the newer remote controls that can control any TV or VCR. With a few modification to the logic board it can also be set up for the microwave. If you prefer a hands-off approach and have the inclination, you can also set up an infra-red beam that will automatically start the microwave whenever someone walks into its path. Test out your transmission lines with a marshmallow or other object that's easily affected by 1GHz to 1THz wavelengths. Make sure the microwave is set to the "high" setting. Now, the next time your friends are over and one them uses their cell phone in the kitchen, surreptitiously press the "Play" button and their signal will be replaced by static! If they have any metal on their heads, like jewelry or earphones, you can also set off small ball-lightening storms or perhaps even a burst of plasma. Hints: I recommend putting a dish rag in the cavity of the oven to allay any suspicions. Now it just looks like your cleaning an ugly burrito stain. Have fun!
DISCLAIMER: Kent's column is intended for amusement purposes only.
Never tamper with microwave ovens, never brush your teeth with phosphoric
acid, and never use your personal teleporter when there's a housefly trapped
inside the pod with you. |
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