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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
RANCHO CORDOVA, CA -- Ricky Schuman and Bud James were not exactly Olympic qualifiers at the Lipton's pool last weekend. The two had been invited over by Tim Lipton, a friend from their English Literature class at nearby Sacramento Community College.
Tim, whose parents were away on a three-week holiday in Europe "somewhere", had organized several pool parties. This was the third and most successful, with close to 20 people, most of them milling in two groups: one group lounging around the pool, and the other hovering around the big-screen television, watching the football game. Ricky and Bud were initially drawn by the intense macho action on "the game", but they quickly made their way to the heated inground pool once girls were spotted. "I saw them first," said Ricky. "They had matching bathing suits, so you knew they had to be close friends, or maybe even closer--if you know what I mean. With my Triple X skater shorts I knew I was dressed to impress, so I told Bud we had to go show the 'ladies' who were the righteous athletic types in the group." Bud's story varies a little from Ricky's. "He may think he saw them first," said Bud, "but really it was me who said we had to go to the pool. He was happy hanging around the TV like the rest of those homos. I don't know what he told you about his shorts, but really he looks like a flaming Moe in them. Me, on the other hand, had my plain black shorts--the ones that show my rippling thigh and stomach muscles. Once we got to the pool it was me who did the first dive. He just wanted to swim laps." "Bud's a good guy," said Ricky, "but sometimes his brain short-circuits. I was swimming laps because lame-brain was taking so long changing. I will admit he did the first dive, but it was nothing special. It just looked like a sad learner's special. So I told him he wasn't going to make a splash with anybody with that poor excuse of dive. I did the first cannonball, and it was a righteous one that wet the patio window! Even Tim came out and told us to cut it out." Both Ricky and Bud then did a series of cannonballs and bellyflops with variations, whooping and screaming wish each consecutive splash. "We had our own mini-Olympics happening," said Bud. "I think I must have got the gold in the Belly-flops, and Ricky may have beat me out in the Spinning Cannonballs. Once, when I was doing an upside-down back-splash my shorts almost came off, but I managed to recover and pull them back up before anyone noticed." "After just about every dive I would look at the girls," said Ricky. "they seemed to be just hanging around the shallow end, but I think the blonde looked at me once." After several dives Ricky and Bud noticed that the girls had left the pool. "That's about when I realized how cool it was," said Ricky, "so I suggested to Bud we head back inside and grab some snacks." Neither Ricky
or Bud talked to the girls in the house, and left the party without learning
their names. They were certain they made huge impressions that went with
their huge splashes.
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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