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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
COLLEGE DORM, OMAHA-- Why can't all men have good looks and a fun personality? This is the question facing Christine Lawlor, a first-year Commerce student at Bilgewater College, in the outskirts of Omaha.
"Coming to college was a real eye-opener," said Christine, 18. "In the small town where I went to school you were lucky if the boys could string more than 3 words together in a sentence. And it was something special if that sentence made sense!" "Here at Bilgewater I've met so many interesting boys. I no longer feel that I have to compete with the sheep." It is the surplus of college-age young men that is creating a dilemma for Christine. "I'd like to have a boyfriend," she said, "someone I can have fun with and share special moments and that kind of stuff. But there are so many options. How do I choose?" Christine has two young men currently wooing her, Jerry and Kyle. "Both of them are really sweet. They really are," giggled Christine. "I'd date both of them, but that doesn't seem right. I really don't know which one to choose." "Jerry is this fun-loving, people person," said Christine. "He's great at parties and dinners. He can break the ice and have everyone laughing within minutes. I love his sense of humour." "Kyle is more into material things," continued Christine. "He wears nice clothes, and has a good stereo in his room. I just know he'd spoil me silly, and I have to admit I kind of like that idea." "I see Jerry as a spontaneous and sometimes wacky kind of guy," said Christine. "If we went on dates I can see us going to comedy festivals and lots of parties. If we cooked dinner together I imagine it would crazy and funny. He probably likes Indian food and other exotic stuff like that." "With Kyle, I think more of the candle-lit dinners in restaurants," said Christine. "I can't really see him experimenting with Eritrean cuisine, for example. He's about as interesting as boiling water. However, I bet he wouldn't forget anniversaries, and he would probably give me lots of roses. Preferably red." "Kyle drives a Miata too," continued Christine thoughtfully. "It's green. That's a great car in the summer. Jerry has this red Ford Tempo. I think it's a Ford. It's not really a car you'd be proud to be seen in anyway. Not that there's anything really wrong with it." "It's too bad I couldn't put them both in some kind of transporter device and combine their dna," laughed Christine. "I want Kyle's hunky body and perfect hair with Jerry's laugh and ease with everyone!" "I only
have two years at college," said Christine. "I want to make
the most of it. Can you imagine if I blew it and chose the wrong person?
I'd regret it for years!"
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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