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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR INTERNET HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
CYBERSPACE-- Joey Passmore is alone. The 14-year-old Internet enthusiast recently lost his cyber-girlfriend and computer soul mate, LUV_U2, and he's not sure how to deal with the confusing new emotions that have begun to stir inside him.
"I don't understand," moped Joey. "I gave her my love, my devotion, and the IP's of some private FTP sites." Joey had never met LUV_U2 in Real Life™. They met online almost two months ago, but were committed to each other after only a few short chat sessions over a two-week period. "Something clicked right from the start," said Joey. "I admit, I found her choice of avatar sexually attractive, but there's more to her than just that. I would show up in the #lookN4love chat room on Undernet, and we would share the time together, while we did homework, watched 'Mad About You' repeats, and played PopCap games over the Net." "I thought we had something special," continued Joey. "I would send her e-cards, and links to special poems that were written for people like us. I even photoshopped our avatars together on a Martian landscape--way romantic. But then that one evening, she came into the IRC channel and was really quiet. I knew something was wrong." Joey has been unable to talk about his break-up with family members and has even considered selling his computer and joining the school volleyball team, just to get away from the intense emotional pain. At fourteen, break-ups are awkward to deal with. This was Joey's first romance and he believes his few friends at school would only laugh at him if he mentioned it to any of them.
"Those guys at school would only want to know how far I got, like did she send pictures of her tits, or something like that," said an angry Joey. "They wouldn't understand it was so much more than that." His only source of closure has been a couple of Internet love forums that he has bookmarked on his web browser. "I posted a message on a message board for heartbroken individuals who were recently dumped," said Joey, sobbing quietly. "But the only response was from some joker who asked how I knew it wasn't a man I was dating. How cruel can you get?" "We were at that stage in our relationship where we were almost ready to exchange ICQ numbers, a huge leap in commitment," said Joey, wiping his nose. "Someday I had hoped we could swap actual snail-mail addresses, maybe even a photo, and then, who knows after that? I guess she got scared. I don't understand." Joey isn't sure he can trust cyberwomen anymore, and is afraid to reveal his true self online to another. He may find escape by interacting only with girls he knows from school, church, and his neighbourhood. But that would mean meeting them and Joey isn't ready for social encounters yet. "I may never be able to cyberdate again," cried Joey. "I've been hurt once, and now I may never be able to use that same alias again." Joey almost
deleted the chat logs he had with LUV_U2 in a fit of anger. "I was
hurt, and I wanted to hurt. But now, those lines of text are the only
thing I have left to cherish," said Joey. "The smilicons we
shared were special, but now I may never smilicon again."
Archived Stories - Dying Teen Wishes For Threesome
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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