 |
 | |||
|
|
| |||
|
|
 |
 |
||||||||||||
| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
Loewon Branes is one of a new breed of business consultants. His job is not to look for efficiencies or increased production--those are already assumed to have been milked dry. Loewon's job is to encourage employees to accept horrendous overtime and immense stress as normal. Under the title of "Project Management Mentor" Loewon overtly examines the processes of project planning and completion, but also looks at how to revitalize and re-moralize overworked employees to prevent premature burn-out. In this case, Peg was still a few weeks away from finishing her project to implement a cost-estimating package for the production department. The project had been underestimated, and some previous changes had not been properly managed. The whole thing was a classic demonstration of Murphy's Law, with a project significantly over its timeline, a buggy system protocol and an unhappy internal client. The company decided to ask in Loewon, the Project Management Mentor, as a consultant to help put the package back on track. Team members were initially reluctant to talk to the outsider but were desperate enough for the issues to be resolved after three 70-hour weeks to overcome their inhibitions. Loewon starts with formal interviews with the project team members. They are all invited to meet with him, one by one in a temporary office. The door is closed to increase tension. When Peg was invited for "a chat" Loewon was seated behind a large bare desk. He opened his hands as a gesture of reconciliation and asked an open-ended question. "Peg, are we nearing the end of this thing?" Peg shuddered. "We're getting close," she said. "We finally got the final specs for the category codes on Friday, but the data isn't very clean. It's slow going and the next deadline is in three weeks." "That seems like plenty of time to wrap this up," Loewon said. "How do you feel about it?" Peg's chin started to quiver. "It seems like lots of time," she said, her voice shaking, "but we have been consistently missing our dates for the past month. We are working all kinds of hours, but we are just not making the progress I would want." Loewon believes the trick is to allow the members to vent their frustration, but individually, and not as a group. "If they start complaining all together they might start getting ideas, like walking out," he said. "When it's just one on one, you, as the establishment, have the power over them." "Everyone wants to do a good job," he said. "I agree with everything they say, and yet throw in a few doubts that seem so reasonable it puts them on the defensive. The result is that they want to double their efforts and put in that extra time to get it done." "Another good trick is to line up some gift certificates, or maybe bring in a few pizzas and sodas one night," said Loewon. "The company looks like it cares, and is willing to compensate for destroying these people's lives." "A personal note of thanks from high-level management also works wonders," he continued. "I also emphasize that it will be different next time," said Loewon. "If you can convince them that this project was unusual, or the last one to be done this way, that things are really going to change, then you've given them hope and energy to continue." Peg's team
will pull together and see the project to completion. After that, Loewon
will recommend that Peg's team get a day off to recharge for the next
inevitable challenge.
|
|||||||||||||
 |
|
||||||||||||
| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
| Tell us what you thought. Visit our Message Boards. | HOME | DISCLAIMER | ABOUT US | Copyright 2005-2001 The Toque Entertainment. |
