| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
Hello, my name is Frank Herschel, known to a cowering United World Assembly as Captain Electro. From 1971 to 1978 I was the undisputed World Champion of Evil. I've since retired, and now devote my time to helping younger Doers-Of-Evil find their way. A good place to start when creating your Evil Identity is to examine the colour scheme of your costume. From the '30s to the '70s a brightly coloured costume that corresponded in some way with one of your major strengths was absolutely essential. Magneto-man had the red and black skin-tight suit with the rounded motifs; the Glaring Eye had a green suit with radiating lines; and Diesel-Electric wore sooty-black capes. Each one of these super-villains also had vehicles that had similar colours, and were modified to suit their inclinations. Thus, Magneto-man's Gyro-Car was black and red and used an enormous flywheel to build up tremendous speed. The Glaring Eye's Tank of Approaching Doom had a forest of scopes and other light-detecting devices on top of the green vehicle, and Diesel-Electric's Torture Train was a huge, noisy black behemoth. Unfortunately, the noise also ended up being their downfall as Earwig-man could hear them coming hours before they arrived that fateful Easter... Consistency is the key here. As soon as your helpless victims notice your vehicles or minions approaching they should be able to start screaming in panic--because they know you can not be far behind. When you leave a crime scene you'll also want to leave a calling card behind--something to let the helpless coppers know who was responsible. Don't be shy! The more ostentatious and outlandish the better. Just make sure it follows your corporate colours and contains one of your major motifs. The bright colours of yester-year seem a little garish these days. Most recent Evil Villains have been sporting plain black leather or Armani suits. Very understated, but they also make it difficult to stand out and get recognition. There's also the possibility you may be confused for someone else. Just a few years ago the Raging Thistle was riding high in the rankings of the Federation Internationale des Mechants (in Geneva), a ranking he promoted vigorously--until it was discovered that all the poisonous chemical dumping he had taken credit for had in fact been done by the Evil Board of Directors of the Granite Corporation! Call me old-fashioned, but that would never have happened in my day! Take the
time to carefully coordinate your costume with your machinery, your minion's
uniforms and the other methods that you use to show yourself and you will
be easily recognized and gain the fame you crave as you plot to take over
the world.
Captain Electro's Evil Archive
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