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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
One of the hardest things to keep track of in your cult is the accounts. Because your Received Vision probably had nothing to do with filthy lucre, and everything to do with The Way, you may find it difficult to keep a good supply of cash flowing through your organization. Although your beliefs are founded upon Love or Wisdom or some-such abstract Goodness, we unfortunately, for the present anyway, still live in a blemished world. Until that is fixed your cult will have to make ends meet using the coin of the realm. How can you gain your daily bread without corrupting your soul, or the souls of those in your charge? There are a number of avenues, all proven successes. In this article we'll look at an important source of income: your new recruits. Keep in mind that those who have been only recently Seen the Light of your Benevolent Teachings have come from this Corrupt Vale of Tears, and until they are Saved by You, are probably making their way through it with some sort of job. Sometimes your recruits can be very "successful." Don't throw this opportunity away! Although you may want to eventually move the new recruit into your compound, nothing says it has to be done overnight. Many churches have used a system of tithes for thousands of years, and some of them are very rich! Don't be afraid to siphon off the money of your converts, increasing the size of "acceptable" donations until they can no longer afford to live in the world and are forced to come live on the Hallowed Ground of your New Jerusalem. Just make sure that all donations are voluntary. Done the right way the new member will only be too happy to give all their money for The Cause. There are some highly successful cults that encourage their members to keep working, even after they have moved into the compound. All money they make goes into the coffers of the cult--for the Greater Glory of God, of course. This may be the route for your cult, but if you want your members to spend their time basking in your Eminence and Grace they will eventually have to quit their jobs. At this point they could become a liability, as now you will have to support them. This you could do, with the Help of the Vision you have Received, but they'll also need nourishment for their bodies as well as their souls, and so another source of money will be needed. Before new recruits make the big move into your Family, make sure they liquefy all their possessions and hand over the cash to you. This is a good test of their Fidelity and Faithfulness to the Truth, and also to you as the Leader of the Army of Light. At this point
you can see the value of constantly recruiting new members, especially
people from the professions and other highly paid occupations. Once you've
cured them of the temptations of this world, by removing that which belongs
to Caesar, they will be ready to help your organization move to the next
stage of fiscal responsibility by developing industries to sustain itself.
We'll leave the details of that for another article, but properly conceived
and implemented the Adepts of your Training will keep your Vision and
Plan afloat for many years.
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Starting
Your Own Cult, with Dr. Emeril Lazarus
