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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR JEDI HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
LOS ANGELES-- Huntington Motors had its year-end sales banquet, and once again Gavin Swampraider took home all of the top honours. Gavin, a Jedi Knight, has won the top-sales award for the past four years straight.
Gavin has been working at the luxury car dealership--specializing in Ferrari--since 1998, when he came here from Coruscant, believed to be somewhere in Northern Canada. He's had a natural gift for sales, convincing even the most difficult of customers--with a wave of his hand--that they should purchase extended warranties, invest in protective undercoating packages, and buy custom floor mats. "I'm not sure how Gavin does it," said Chuck Merton, another sales associate. "He has this way with customers. He can convince anyone to buy a new car. It's almost hypnotic." Management can't explain Gavin's success, but they're happy with the results. "Gavin has got the gift, I'll admit that," said Mark Horst, sales manager. "His sales approach is unique. He's not aggressive. In fact, I don't think he uses any pressure at all on his customers. They just seem willing to spend. Gavin must be able to sense their weaknesses." "He once sold a 1999 Berlinetta to a man who was asking directions to Arby's," said Chuck. "Not bad for a guy who comes to work in a bathrobe and pajamas." Mark admits that Gavin had to rely on his charms to sell the luxury automobiles when he first started--to compensate for his lack of vehicle knowledge. "I don't quite remember why I even gave him the job," Mark remarked. "He had no previous sales experience, and he knew nothing about Ferraris. But his presence...I was compelled to hire him. Something I don't regret at all." Mark mused about Gavin's first couple of weeks on the job. "He would occasionally ask why we bothered putting wheels on the cars. He seemed astonished that they needed roads to function. I guess it's because they use snowmobiles where he's from," said Mark. "Why would you need a road when everything is covered in snow? But he's become a real expert. The other day the mechanics were arguing about an unfortunate stutter in the Pinin Farina. Gavin pulled out his PDA, waved it around the engine and suggested they check the timing chain. And he was right!" "I don't know about his weird outfit though," said Chuck. "Normally you would want to dress up, look smart, to make these kind of big ticket item sales. I've spent a fortune on suits, but Gavin seems to get away with wearing a sack cloth and brown robe. Maybe people trust him because he looks like a monk. Whatever it is, casual is working for him." Gavin has been saving the money he earns on his commissions for a trip "home." "I'd
never 'force' anyone to buy a car they didn't want," said Gavin with
a wink and a smile. "Can I interest you in a new Ferrari? I believe
this is just the car you're looking for. Have you thought about red? A
red car will do fine."
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