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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
It is truly unfortunate that those of us who have been blessed with the Call, the Command to Lead our People to the Promised Land, still have to deal with the trivial details of this mundane world. Money is one of these harrassments that we, as leaders, are cursed with having to procure to keep our Mission afloat. At some point you will have squeezed out as much capital from your new recruits as they have. At this point they become, in body if not in soul, what business people call liabilities--they are not adding anything financially to the organization, but you still have to feed and clothe them. There mare many options to keeping the costs down on those last two items, but today we are going to look at how the souls you have saved, and Illuminated with your Grace and Vision, can help you and your cause in this Vale of Tears. With my second cult, the Divine Children of the Orthodox Moor, I set the organization up as a Church, so that people could donate money freely and be rewarded by Caesar, the government, with tax benefits. This is an approach you may want to consider--as long as you are still on speaking terms with the government. A related approach not tried very often is to have a legitimate church front that funnels funds to the Real Church of God you have created behind a barricaded and heavily armed barrier. Of course, you still have a pool of potential labour with nothing better to do with their time than Worship your Received Vision and Proselytize to the Masses, trolling for new recruits. Put them to work! Because they've already given you their souls inconveniences like labour laws and minimum wage will not stand in your way, as they do the Captains of industry. Indeed, blessed witht he opportunity to do God's Work, you will find your Soldiers of Christ eager and conscientious workers, doing whatever task you assign them with zeal and committment. Some ideas to take advantage of this energy are easy-to-make crafts like wallets or "Jesus loves you" leather bookmarks. Keep items small and easy to carry as your recruits are also your distribution division. Direct marketers, door-to-door salesmen and cults all feed off each other in this area, so watch what the local people are doing. Repackaging ready-made items like flowers, pencils or bumper stickers has potential too. Anything with a cheery message is a sure winner and will keep spirits high! One idea I've never been able to follow through on is to create a shoe manufacturing plant and use my cult's cheap labour to manufacture runners for some large multi-national company--competing directly with the child labourers of Indonesia! Have they been saved? Why should they get the contract? The shoe company has the benefit of being able to put "made in America by Americans" on their product and I, or rather, the Lord's Work, receives the means to carry on. I leave this idea for one of you to follow through on. Treating
your recruits as a resource, and following traditional business models,
will help keep the Word of the Lord--as Received by You--going for many
years to come.
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Starting
Your Own Cult, with Dr. Emeril Lazarus
