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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
COMPANY COURTYARD-- Ernie Higglebotham shares a joke with Rob and Peg from accounting. Sandy reads a recent Steven King novel. Alison and Tracy trade stories about their small children. It's lunch time at the Tel-Rav corporation, and many employees are out in the courtyard sharing a social moment. Suddenly Ernie notices someone quietly eating his lunch from a brown paper bag right beside him, swearing that there was no one there a moment previously. "Fred!" he exclaims, "you scared me. How long have you been sitting there?" "I've been here for half an hour," says Fred resignedly, and goes back to his tuna salad sandwich on white bread. "Ah," says Ernie. He pauses for a moment, then turns back to Rob with a funny story about Rob's boss.
Fred Hildebrandt has been working for Tel-Rav for 23 years as a network automations coordinator, but Fred and his work go largely unnoticed by those around him. Many people who have worked in the same corner of the office for ten years--and more--do not know his name or that he even works there! In conversations between co-workers Fred, if he is mentioned at all, is referred to as "that network guy, what's-his-name." Fred suffers from a condition that is only now gaining recognition in the medical community. People who can pass by without being seen, or go to events where no one knows they are there, are said to be socially invisible. "This is not an unusual phenomena," said Dr. Tse Ling Phan, psychiatrist. "There is probably 1-in-50 people suffering from what I call 'Peripheralitis', a condition where one is not seen unless stared at directly. Even then, some say that those afflicted can fade in and out of vision. Obviously much work has to be done, but I'm hoping that with the appropriate drugs and expensive treatments people like Ted will be able to interact with society in a meaningful and remembered way." Peripheralitis is considered a social disease, but is not contagious. "When we look at a typical case, like Ned here, there are some factors that stand out--as long as we concentrate on them," continued Dr. Phan. "Let's focus on the facts. Ted works in a job that leaves him mostly isolated. He communicates through local office memos, e-mail, and does his work alone, and is probably tucked away in some cubicle. He rarely has to interact with anyone. When he does, he is polite, quiet and reasonable." "I'm working on a new therapy that will take people like Jed and make them sell newspaper subscriptions door-to-door while shouting," said Dr. Phan. "Another component will be an intravenous caffeine drip combined with intense pointless story and bad jokes workshops. A wardrobe upgrade is also recommended, and I am thinking something in the non-beige direction." If doctors
like Dr. Tse Ling Phan are successful, it is possible that in ten years
conversations like "Fred? Was he at that meeting? I don't remember
seeing him." will become a thing of the past.
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| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
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