 |
 | |||
|
|
| |||
|
|
 |
 |
|||||||||||||||
| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
MODESTO, CALIFORNIA-- Police are warning citizens that the streets of Modesto are a little less safe these days, mostly due to the rising new trend of street surfing. This new "extreme" sport combines elements from both surfing and skateboarding, and the activity is creating a danger for everyone else who drives, rides, or walks on those streets. Street-surfers, people who glide along roads on surfboards, are becoming more and more common and local officials have so far been unable to regulate their use. The sport has become instantly popular and police haven't yet found a solution that works with the new by-laws that restrict street-surfing.
"At first we tried to discourage the surfers by putting down speed bumps," said city engineering supervisor Phil Conroyd. "But that didn't work; the kids were using them to get 'some serious air'. We also tried to make selling surfboards illegal, but it was against the Californian Constitution." At one point, police tried to confiscate the surfboards, but they couldn't fit them into police cars. "The only marginally effective deterrent right now is fining the offending surfer, and making him walk his surfboard home," said officer Cathleen Laughton. "It's not so fun having to carry one of those things two or three miles." The surfboards are only slightly modified for use on concrete and asphalt--the fin is removed. Special lubricants are applied to the bottoms of the boards to speed them along. "We use a special board wax to reduce the friction," said Tristan Pelletier, 17, an avid street-surfer. "Of course, we get more action when we're on hills and steeper streets. That's some tasty surfage, dude." The street-surfers think that the anti-street-surfing by-law is unfair. They're complaining that they have no place else to surf, and that the streets are the only pure surface for their surfing. "We've tried surfing the half-pipe, but the boards are too long and the pipe is too sharp," said Tristan. "It's far too hard to maneuver, and we end up breaking our surfboards in two." The city has tried to accommodate the surfers. "We have designated parks for surfers, skateboarders, bikers, and rollerbladers," said city parks and recreation administrator Darryl Bleith. "Unfortunately, the surfers are pushed out--they get accused of scuffing up the runs, and chewing up all the good ramps. So, they hit the streets, and we have to try and enforce the law." Citizens of Modesto are concerned for the safety and well-being of street surfers. "Yah,
I'm concerned," said Fred Carabello, resident. "Those [surfboards]
can't turn or brake, and the kids aren't wearing any protective gear.
When they come screaming down my street at two or maybe three miles-per-hour,
they're out of control. I swear, one day, someone's going to scrape a
knee or chip a tooth. Where will the accountability be then?"
|
||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||
| This fictional story about satire is intended for adults. | The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire. | |
| Tell us what you thought. Visit our Message Boards. | HOME | DISCLAIMER | ABOUT US | Copyright 2005-2001 The Toque Entertainment. |
