CANADA'S SOURCE FOR RELIGIOUS HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE

Text Ads and Text Links on The Toque
Text Security Cameras
Humor TopSites
Biting Satire
Funniest Jokes
Super Duper Pages Directory
Online Golf
Dating Women
Bowling
Diet Weight Loss
Apartments For Rent
Home Equity Loan
Fucked Up Link Dump
Electric Bikes
Learn English
Free MP3s
Funny Pets
Home Garden Centers
Canada Travel
Funny Signs
Good Canadian Website
Free Emoticon Smiley Generator
Really Bad Hair
Womens Health
Poker Gaming Sites
I Have To Confess
Cel Phones
Refreshing News
Rewarding Loans
Car Insurance
Lying Scumbag
Pet Names
Free Website Games
Myspace Layouts
Wacky Videos
Puzzles And Stuff
Text Link Advertising
Modest Houses
Language School
Start Your Own Cult
Evil Guide
Grouchy Joe Proud American
Bachelor Tips
Domain Under Construction
The Lord Above
Virtual Web Log
Nude Pictures Of Jessica Simpson
Geek Jokes, Computer Jokes
Funny Baby Pictures
Adult Jokes
Funny, Strange, Bizarre New Stories & Pictures!
Daily Humor, Satire, And Funny Stories
Advertise Text Links on The Toque
 

Biblical Prophecy: How To Make It Work For You
by Evan Gilleste

Are you sick of depending on a job with too many hours and too little pay, with no personal reward and even less hope for the future? Using God's Word, as revealed in His Holy Scriptures, you can rescue yourself from your present day-to-day drudgery! It's as simple as using the simple, easy to understand Keys of Understanding to reveal God's Secret Plan for you.

This week we will examine the Book of Timothy, and how God Wills for you to retire in the next two to five years.

The Book of Timothy is in the New Testament. Naturally, it is literally and truthfully a warning against false teachings. Every word is true, do not doubt it. But God, in His Infinite Wisdom, has also hidden his Plan for your real financial independence and freedom inside this text.

Let's examine a verse:

Chapter Three, verse 1 reads: "This is a true saying: If a man is eager to be a church leader, he desires an excellent work."

Applying the Keys of Understanding, a series of detailed, scientific and mathematical processes too detailed to go through in this short space we can decode this phrase to read: "No special skills or experience are required. We will give you all the training and personal support you will need to ensure your success!"

This one verse should restore your faith in the world!

Chapter Four, verse 6 reads: "If you give these instructions to the brothers, you will be a good servant of Christ Jesus, as you feed yourself spiritually on the words of faith and of the true teaching which you have followed."

Using my Keys of Understanding, developed and perfected for over 15 years, we come up with: "This legitimate home-based income opportunity can put you back in control of your time, your finances, and your life"

All of this is thoroughly documented and entirely true!

These are just two verses of one Book of the Holy Scripture. Imagine the Wealth of Information God has hidden in the whole Bible! Imagine what it could mean to you!

I leave you with Chapter Five, verse 11, as interpreted by these special and unique Keys of Understanding: "If you've tried other opportunities in the past that have failed to live up to their promises, do not despair! This is different than anything else you've ever seen

Evan Gilleste's Biblical Archive

 
Advertise on The Toque for $30/month
Raisins By The Pound Mail Order Brides, Grooms, And Ushers Become An NHL Star Overnight Learn Swedish While U Sleep Top Selling Come-Ons Popular Bowling Bloopers Discount Buttered Popcorn Safe Memory Implants Wholesale Vegetables Online Bootleg Jay Leno Reruns Legal Hair Extensions Used Jokes Cheap Visit Beautiful Spuzzum Delicious Corn Lose Weight Fast. Dump Your Boyfriend Nerd And Geek Personals Curb Road Rage Without Using The Finger Hair Falling Out? Buy A Hat! Online Multiplayer Minesweeper

 

  

Join Our Mailing List
Send This Story To A Friend
This fictional story about satire is intended for adults.   The World Leader in Canadian humour, humor, parody, and satire.
Tell us what you thought. Visit our Message Boards. HOME | DISCLAIMER | ABOUT US Copyright 2005-2001 The Toque Entertainment.