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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
VATICAN CITY-- The Stephenson family had a great vacation in Italy last summer, touring the sights of Florence, Pisa, and Rome. In Vatican City, one of the highlights was the famed "Seal of Tristhemus", an ancient charm that happens to be the only thing protecting the World from the forces of Evil.
The Stephensons, from Fort Wayne, Indiana, were in Italy for three weeks. "All those churches and other really old buildings were interesting enough," said 14-year-old Ashley, "but it was the Seal that really did it for me. I mean, wow, this is the only thing that keeps the nameless hordes of the undead from rising up and slaughtering the living." The Seal of Tristhemus is placed over the spot where the United Forces of Good, under the leadership of Tristhemus of Pisa, forced the Chthonic Creatures of Doom into their prison below the Earth during a horrendous battle in 1023 AD. It is protected by magical spells and alchemical seals. "Huh. To think that this old piece of rock, some wax, and a handful of saltpeter is all that's keeping us safe," said Ted Stephenson. "The brochure said it would be awe-inspiring, and it was. We got to sit on the very spot where G'Xheimcaen, Lord of Evil, had the Amulet of Infinite Power cut from his arm by the Sword of Virgin Destiny." Mary Stephenson, mother, was overwhelmed by the visit. "When I think about if that seal ever breaks... All the pent-up anger of those demons will be leashed upon the world! It makes me break out in shivers. It's a good thing I bought a souvenir sweatshirt." A guard of Swiss soldiers watches over the location. For the last five-hundred years, Switzerland has provided a contingent to guard and protect the seal from looters, doers-of-evil and tourists trying to chip off bits for souvenirs. Visitors flock by the hundreds each year to gaze at the location where Tristhemus, The Grand Seneschal of Purity, waged the bitter battle against darkness and eternal doom. For them the Seal is a grand monument to Good, but for the local residents, it is just another part of the historic setting they live in. Emil Giorgiono, a local vendor, has a small tourist stand on the Plaza, just in front of the Seal. "It doesn't look very interesting to me," said Emil. "It's just flat and old. When we were kids we used to kick empty cans across it because we couldn't afford a soccer ball. But hey, if someone wants to buy my genuine solid brass replicas of the Seal, I'm more than happy to oblige them." "I'm
happy we came here," said Ted Stephenson. "It was the last stop
on our trip, and we were feeling a little tired and drained. Resting on
top of the only thing keeping the world from utter chaos and ruin had
a comforting feeling to it. I'm certainly going to recommend that all
my friends should see it when they visit Europe. And not just for the
collectible coins. It would be a shame if the Seal broke, releasing the
poisonous creatures of the undead upon the world, without being able to
get a few holiday pictures first."
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