CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE

Text Ads and Text Links on The Toque
Text Security Cameras
Humor TopSites
Biting Satire
Funniest Jokes
Super Duper Pages Directory
Online Golf
Dating Women
Bowling
Diet Weight Loss
Apartments For Rent
Home Equity Loan
Fucked Up Link Dump
Electric Bikes
Learn English
Free MP3s
Funny Pets
Home Garden Centers
Canada Travel
Funny Signs
Good Canadian Website
Free Emoticon Smiley Generator
Really Bad Hair
Womens Health
Poker Gaming Sites
I Have To Confess
Cel Phones
Refreshing News
Rewarding Loans
Car Insurance
Lying Scumbag
Pet Names
Free Website Games
Myspace Layouts
Wacky Videos
Puzzles And Stuff
Text Link Advertising
Modest Houses
Language School
Start Your Own Cult
Evil Guide
Grouchy Joe Proud American
Bachelor Tips
Domain Under Construction
The Lord Above
Virtual Web Log
Nude Pictures Of Jessica Simpson
Geek Jokes, Computer Jokes
Funny Baby Pictures
Adult Jokes
Funny, Strange, Bizarre New Stories & Pictures!
Daily Humor, Satire, And Funny Stories
Advertise Text Links on The Toque
 

by Burt Umbre


The much-maligned alignment of the five planets that can be seen by the naked eye may bode well for long-range decisions that have to be made in the next few months.

Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn will be moving in a grouping on the same side of the sun until July when they part on their seperate ways. This sort of thing only happens once a century.

The skeptics, of course, are doing their best to dissuade the public from believing that this event means anything. People like Astral Bright, a professional astrologist, know better.

"These unbelievers look for things like mass instant spiritual enlightenment and stock market crashes," she said in a recent interview. "While those may occur, the real effects are much more subtle."

"These alignments only happen every hundred years or so. A hundred years ago there was no air travel, telephones were rare, and television did not even exist. Can anyone say that we have not progressed since then? To go back to a world without Oprah seems inconceivable now. Just imagine what the next hundred years can bring--and it all starts here, with this alignment."

Astral Bright believes the planetary alignment adjusts the human consciousness and prepares it for newer and better things.

"It's a long-term process," she said. "Every century the alignment re-aligns the neural pathways in our brains allowing us to think in new--and better--ways. Every time we get closer to perfection. A thousand years ago we were still in the Middle Ages. They didn't even have cars back then, and only a few people could read. Now look at us. We can almost reach the stars!"

Astral Bright advises people to think long-term for decisions that have to be made in the next few months. "Think about what your decisions will mean in twenty years, fifty years, or even a hundred years," she said. "The stars and planets will assist you in making the right choices."

"I'm really excited at what this new century will bring," said Astral Bright. "I'm expecting great things."

Burt's Archive

 
Advertise on The Toque for $30/month
Raisins By The Pound Mail Order Brides, Grooms, And Ushers Become An NHL Star Overnight Learn Swedish While U Sleep Top Selling Come-Ons Popular Bowling Bloopers Discount Buttered Popcorn Safe Memory Implants Wholesale Vegetables Online Bootleg Jay Leno Reruns Legal Hair Extensions Used Jokes Cheap Visit Beautiful Spuzzum Delicious Corn Lose Weight Fast. Dump Your Boyfriend Nerd And Geek Personals Curb Road Rage Without Using The Finger Hair Falling Out? Buy A Hat! Online Multiplayer Minesweeper

 

  

Tell us what you thought. Visit our Message Boards. HOME | DISCLAIMER | ABOUT US Copyright 2005-2001 The Toque Entertainment.