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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR SASQUATCH HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
THE KOOTENAYS-- Tourists and travelers are warned to be cautious driving through British Columbia this Spring. With the warm weather approaching, sasquatches will be migrating to their summer habitats.
The stretch of land between Grand Forks and Nelson, part of British Columbia's Kootenay region, is a heavily travelled sasquatch route. Sasquatches will stick mostly to trails and other forest routes, but they will still need to cross the occasional freeway. "You've got to be careful driving at night," said Ministry of Highways official Dane Fredricksen. "If you're not paying attention, a sasquatch can wipe out your Corolla faster than you can say 'Harry and the Hendersons'." Sasquatches are gentle creatures, and are highly intelligent. However, when it comes to crossing busy highways, a sasquatch is as tentative as any human. Even the smartest sasquatch can succumb to the "deer in the headlights" syndrome. "If you see a sasquatch preparing to cross the road, just slow down and let him pass," said Fredricksen. "Don't stare at him like a tourist--you'll not be paying attention to the road, and you'll slam into the next one." The government isn't willing to spend the money necessary to build proper crossings for sasquatches. Instead, highway signs are posted in known sasquatch areas. The crossing areas can also be identified by the depressions in the asphalt pavement, worn from use. Barbara Kellogg, a Kootenay resident, commutes daily between Castlegar and Trail, and has had numerous sasquatch driving encounters. "I've had a couple of close calls with Bigfoot," said Barbara, who drives a Ford Echo. "Twice, I've had to swerve to avoid collisions. And there was this other time I drove right between a sasquatch's legs! The poor thing let out a scream as I'm pretty sure I clipped his genitals with the roof of my car. That's got to be painful--for any species!" No deaths
have ever been reported from accidents, but two American tourists were
once treated for shock in 1998. The Washington couple was travelling to
Creston in a convertible, when a young sasquatch "showered"
them after he lost bladder control in a near-collision.
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