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| CANADA'S SOURCE FOR HUMOUR, PARODY, AND SATIRE
We all have urges. It's only natural, and we're only human. Of course, you, as a divinely inspired leader and Fisher of Men and Women have to be especially aware of how your urges affect your devoted followers and True Believers. Some cults have found in beneficial to dispense with sexual urges entirely, believing them to be unclean and influenced, perhaps, by the Devil or other Evil Forces That Lurk Unseen. If this describes you and your organization this article is not for you! Check my article on Castration instead. Another option is to castrate all the males, leaving you (if you are male) the only one capable of fulfilling the needs of the female members of your cult. Although there are undoubtedly benefits to this approach, be aware that you will create a two-tiered membership program--one for males and one for females. The implication is that what's ok for the goose is not good for the gander. It can lead to a public relations nightmare, and the longer you can hold those off the better you'll be. Far better to allow sexual desire to express itself in a way that you can control, and chaperone to the Benefit of your flock's Souls. Your Received Vision and Enlightenment may have already provided you with clues or even Explicit Instructions in how to manage the urges that are part of the human organism. One of the best ways to do this is to allow members to be frank and open with their desires, and through public discussions--either in small study groups or in large meetings with everyone attending--and then analyze and help guide the Initiate to a Deeper Understanding of the True Love that God has for them. The public discussions serve two purposes. One, they allow you lead your flock through the treacherous path to the Enlightenment that only You can provide with your Wisdom and Grace, and two, you can make sure that their attractions will not lead them astray with someone who might not be entirely sympathetic with your Views. People who have not yet been brought into the Warm Light of Your Benevolence can sometimes be catalysts that lead your members from you, and sometimes pull them from the fold. Keep your flock away from them! This is why we have compounds! Although it may seem a little harsh to sunder families and spouses, it is for the good of their Immortal Soul. Allow members who have left lovers and partners behind to grieve and long for them, but gently pull them back to the tried and true path of the Righteous Believer. It is the only way. They will soon be healed and their Salvation will be Assured. If members of your flock develop infatuations within your community it is a sign that the organization has gelled into a cohesive whole. A "free-love" and "multiple partner" ideal may be useful in breaking down the conditioning that the Devil or Evil Forces have enforced on humanity since the beginning of time. Pairing off members of your cult has the benefit of reducing heating costs, especially if you bunk up three or four people at once. Don't allow couples to become too attached, however, as they can become infatuated with each other. There is only room in their hearts for One True Love--and that has to be you. Separate lovers through public persuasion, group pressure is a wonderful thing, and allow them to become attracted to other Initiates of Your Wisdom. Sexual attraction
is a powerful force that you can use to help lead your Chosen People to
the Enlightened Paradise that your are the Chosen Steward of. Use it wisely!
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Starting
Your Own Cult, with Dr. Emeril Lazarus
